Learning

7 more days of filming, from 8th-14th without any off day. Got to hang on and survive. Learn alot of things from Emida and Ellery. They teach me and keep telling me that I am doing very good and fine. Have to learn to be like them, on how to handle stress and pressure without breaking down.
My girls are still learning and there are still alot of things they don't understand and don't see the view and version like Ellery and me. Really hope that they will carry the passions they have in the beginning, carry the passions to the end. In this trade, passions is the the only thing to keep one going. Cos our pay sucks, working hours sucks, everything sucks. It's the passions that keep me going also.
During the past few days of hard filmings, I suddently miss him. He coming to fetch me to work and from work, he buying foods for me, he listening to my conplains and nagging, he just being there for me. I am someone of big pride, so there is no way I will ask him back myself. So... just leave it to fate then.
Craving for japanese foods, international buffet, bascially good foods with wines. Need to pamper myself after this project, then I can move on to next project.

3 days madness gone

Ended 3 days of filming, today rest, got another 9 days of filming to go. Being very tired and had being sleeping in office. No proper beds and is so cold. Sharmine and Karen both slept over in office also, then Ellery slept over on 2nd night also. Not turn down the aircon and fan cos scare that they be hot. Finally get home last night, sleep till 2pm then wake up.
Oh ya! Got a new grip joing our team from 8th-14th onwards and he is Alvin. Hahahaha.... finally another crew member I know beside TK.
Going to film for 2 days, then rest 1 day, then film from 8th-14th without break. Damn tiring. Locations for a quite a few placeds not fix yet. Sharmaine, Karen, CJ are all tired. They worked very hard and really put in alot of works inside.
Am planning for a warp party for everyone. I don't care about foods, just wana have beers and drinks....
I wana wrap soon....

Madness

Working like a mad dog and crazy woman these days. Ellery says each time he looks at my hair it's getting messier. What to do, I have to perform miracles for the projects. The tele-movie is getting scary as the days draws near. Alot of things undone yet. The whole world still waiting for my schedules to be out which is like a mess.
Things to do:

1. Schedules to be out, including daily rundowns
2. Find Xiu and Reyes and other supporting casts
3. Source and check out generator rates and book it
4. Settle locations
5. Imaging for Xiu and Marlene
6. Standby cashs for wardrobe and makeup
7. Allote who is going to do what on set

Actually alot more but don't know where to start. Never sleep properly for alot of nights liao, think I am becoming a super woman. Though it's tough but I got great help from alot of people. Emida is a darling, even though she is the boss but sh is great! Even when to collect polar puffs foods form me during the rehearsal yesterday, unlike other bosses I know and woke with before. Really hope that I can pull through this period then she finds my performance not bad and will look for me for other projects.

Tired... Stress... Eyes pain...

Yawn! busy like a mad dog today. Making calls, do bookings, auditions, production meeting, audition again, make more calls, do more bookings... never ending. Desk is so messy, papers everywhere, notes everywhere, dozen and one missed calls to return. Still in office now, trying to finish my master rundown that's been delay and trying to do for afew days but eyes getting too painful and blur.

Suppose to pass scripts to a stylist but the time doesn't permit me to. Alot of things undone.

• Hunt and book stylist and propsman
• Find more auditions for Timothy, Jolene, Mdm Said, Marlene, Reyes, Melwani, Helena Gorden
• Check Richard availability for rehearsals
• Check ambulance dimensions
• Find sponsor for silver mecs cab
• Book crew van
• Book equipments
• Finish master rundown and location breakdown
• Set time and casts for imaging
• Do rehearsal rundowns
• Make sure locations is found and settle
• Production meeting for drama
• Casts list for drama

Never ending... lalalalalalalalalalalalala................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Dreaming of my holiday

Have been thinking of going on a holiday for a long time, thinking of months liao. Either go KL (the Hansel can bring me around. Heeheehee) or find friends to go HK or Taiwan. Need to unwind and relax (so I can go a longer way). Don't know if I got the other project or not, if got then I got to postphone my holiday till Feb liao.

Got a good news! At least for my 2nd AD, I guess. Manage to get in another assistant as helper for current project. Work can be split and done more. Karen can concentrates in her locations, wardrobes, props... Then the helper can concentrate in the sponsors and assist me.

Need to get the finalize script out by Mon, then I can update my master rundown, location breakdown, props list. wardrobe lists, makeup lists, art directions etc

Gambadei Cherlyn! Jia You wor!

Need some encouragement from friends.

My mix up brain cells

Got a call from a friend yesterday that Crisis Simulation Theatre is showing sneak preview at SDC. Guess what, those people who worked damn hard for the project wasn't invited! 1st and 2nd AD, that's Stephen and me lar, all the interns (x3), PAs (x2), propsmen (x2), crews (x8), casts (x10), EODs, SCDFs are not invited at all. The boss only invite SMRTs. Kanasai! When my SMRT friend ask the production house boss why he never invited us, he just tell my friend he thought we are busy with projects and change to another topic. So fake!

My projects are sort of getting somewhere. Had production meeting with Director yesterday, abit understand what he wants. Never work with him before, so trying to understand his method and style of filming. We need to find more sponsors and settle the locations fast, only have 2 more week to shoots. I need to settle alot of things fasts, costings, casts, props, wardrobes, imagings, rehearsals etc. Directory expect alot out of the project, he wants good art directing, good wardrobes combinations, good props.... I mean it's okay lar, that's what expected on all projects. Just hope that I can do both the role of PM and 1st AD well.

Life has being pretty boring for me these days. Work then home, never go out. Everytime, I wana go out or free to go out, friends always busy or have appointments liao. Last night worse, suppose to meet this friend at 10pm at Ochard. Then he change his mind or maybe got some other apppintments, he decides to go "Happy" and asks me to join. I mean, what am I doing in a gay pub right? It will be like self-entertaining cos I only know him and I bet he will busy with his friends once inside. Go "Happy" with a group of friends I know, like the last time I went, I don't mind lor.

Got to know another friend, but he is from KL, so it be difficult to meet also. Ha! Now I got 2 friends with almost the same name and both are part-time talents cum non-singaorean some more. Hansel aka Yu Jing from KL and Hansol Seo from Korean. Yeah! Now I go overseas I got friends to find and bring me around even saving on hotal money cos can stay in their house liao. Not many places lar only KL, Korean, HK, Japan, Mexico, Taiwan.

Ohh yeah... about the topic about my idea partner hor, I like to add afew more

• Romantic, have to give me surprises sometimes. Surprises that really touch my hearts
• Knows how to dress and make himself neat. (I am ugly, so hoping to find someone good looking)
• Whenever I have problems, hoping that he can solve for me or at least make me feel better. Keep saying "I understand" but never do anything to help just piss me off
• Out on dates, please do have an idea or decide on where to go. I have enough decision making during work, I hope not to use my brain much after work. Valentine's Day asks me where I want to eat isn't romantic and should he boyfriend's job to think and give me surprise
• Sex is a two way thing, only oneself happy isn't enough. What about me?!
• Have to totally understand my job, the irregular hours and everythings.

Just hoping to find someone I love and he loves me. That's all. Alot of topics covered in this post, no wonder my title is mix brain cells. I am really mix up liao. Need to unwind. Need to drink. Need to chat and hang around with friends. My friends where are you?

Tired but still like my works

Woke up at 730am yesterday, then work till 1230am then leave office. Mike is so nice to come and fetch me home. Ha! I save on the cab fare. Woke up at 830am today. So tired. Alot of casts to find, locations to source, sponsor to get. My eyes almost can't open liao.

Anyway, thanks to Raymond, Paul, Mike, Simon, who help me in my projects. Be it in sponsorship or anything.

Yawn... back to work again.

Idea partner

Met up with a friend laste night, was chatting with her. Then she asks me what's my idea partner. Thought for awhile, after thinking through about all my ex boyfriends, these are what my idea partner should have.

1. Loves me more than I love him
2. Has to be tan and not fair
3. Shoulder lenght or best short hair
4. Good temper
5. Got his own mind and idea
6. Knows what he wants in life, his goals
7. Stable career, stable income
8. Loves his family and friends
9. Don't mind not having any children
10. Smoker and drinker or not it's okay, but have to accept that I am a smoker and drinker
11. Can accept my working schedules
12. Don't expect me to call him everyday to report my where abouts (I don't own anyone my life)
13. Must be manly
14. Loves my hobbies
15. Loves Me... Loves Me... Loves Me... Loves Me... Loves Me... Forever

Well, I guess it's not too hard to have the above as my idea partner right? Is it too much to ask for? I don't know anymore. Someone says I am too dependant on guys... am I? Whatever...

Busy busy busy....

Started working in for just 2 weeks and realise that time isn't enough. Have to settle 2 projects pre-production by this month as tele-movie starts shoot 1st Aug. Not enough time liao. Have to double up as PM for both projects. It's challenging but pressuring.

Need to source for sponsorships, locations, facilities, auditions for casts, do out burgets, source for crews, rush writers for scripts... I only got 1 month!

It's Sat and am in office with assistant, having a string of auditions today and tomorrow. Weekends burn liao but am so used to it that I rather work on weekends and public hoildays. Karen is so new and green, but she can work. Lucky she never complain about buring her weekends, if not...

Hahahahah.... Ochre call me up to work as 1st AD for Untitled.... again.... Lucky am working here... Not that I don't want to go back, just that I find that it's a rather curse project. I hope to work in Ubin Boy season 2, miss the casts, crews, director, Ubin driver Vincent, those monkeys and wild boars running freely in Ubin.

Well.... whatever will comes will comes... The more I wish for the more it will not become mine. It's always the case.

What the hell with people?!

Had such a terrible and bad night, last night. Person just doesn't learn, a father already but just like to vent his anger anyhow, worse thing is it is his problem. Wants me to do something for him, do step A but he wants step B, when do step B he wants me to do step A. Am feeling so fxxk up that I just refused to talk to him. Mum tried to talk sense into him but... sign... does it help? I don't think so.

3rd day of work today, still have doen nd one things not settle yet. Only 2 persons woing in the project, really must make these 2 projects go smoothly. 1st time doing the work of a PM on top of my job as 1st AD, it's rather stressful and tiring. Now I know the shit and pressures Joey faces, there are so many things that I need to learn from her.

Lucky for me, I got quite a great and workable 2nd AD, who has been of help to me. Although she is still rather new and inexperience, she is willing toearn and handle anything I ask her to do.

Will be a battle field for me from now to Sept. Busy busy busy busy.... Travelling from my home to Holland Village is tiring, takes 1hr 30mins.

Full force

Going to start work soon in another 4 days. Got to handle 2 projects almost at the same time, something that I have never done before. The boss trusts me and I really hope to live up to her expectations. In somewhat a new postions with new responsiblity which I really want to perform well in. Got an intern who used to work with me in new projects. Hard sell her quite strongly to boss, hope that she can at least leave up to expectations for 70% I be happy liao. Quite scare that she not as fit as boss will think of her. Lucky I play safe liao, tell boss that she is a fresh grad so not much experience but can work lar. *cross my fingers*

Being single for 2 weeks 5 days liao, he still messages me telling me he misses and still loves me. Heartlessly for me, I don't feel anything. Really don't know how to react and reply so I just delete the messages without replying. I really hate myself for being so cold, so heartless, so ungrateful. Sometimes I wonder, am I fit to be loved? Sis tells me that the right man hasn't come into in my life yet, the man who I will love and belove. Maybe... I don't know... Am I still waiting for him? Or am I hoping to find someone who can be like him?

Being so eager to get any projects is because I don't want to be alone. Don't wants to have the time to think of any personal issues.

Well... life got to carry on regardless of what happen.

Happy!!!

After doing nothing at home and rotting away (since 27th May), I finally got projects to do! Am feeling so lucky that I got calls for projects. Will be doing 2 projects from July to mid Sept, then another project with another company from mid-Sept to Jan (if the rate is right). Wow! That's mean, I be kept busy for the next 6 months! That's good news and it's wonderful!
Another exciting thing I just know: my "brother", my mentor, is now Director / PM. Finally he is being recognise as Director. I always see him as a fit AD that I keep telling him he should be a director a long time ago. Hope to work with him again in his new position.
I am so happy and excited about my projects and the news that I feel so lucky. Hope that everything will go smoothly for the upcoming projects that I will be recognise like my mentor.
Cherlyn, you must work hard and smart okay.
Cherlyn, you must stay focus and get on form.
Go Cherlyn Go!

June 26, 2006 (wrote date in friendster blog. copy n paste over)

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to Cherlyn. Another birthday passed, older by another year. Still trying to earn a living out there this world. Ended a relationship, hurt another person again, but I feel that my burden isn't that heavy anymore. I can breathe better and am happier. Feel so selfish by having all those thoughts. Sometimes, I really don't understand myself, don't know what I want in life. When there's work, will complain why I don't have any personal life. When there's no work, will complain that life is so boring by staying at home everyday.
Maybe humans are just so difficult to please. When someone treats you so good in the relationship that your best friend envys, you just have to find faults thats leads to break off. Always searching for a relationship that will bot happen or will not have any ending.
Going through this process whereby I am trying to understand myself, trying to understand others, trying to understand relationship, trying to earn a living... Really wants to say thanks to those friends who stand by me regardless of what happen, always supporting me and giving me advices. Thanks!
Will try to get my confident back soon.

June 12, 2006 (wrote date in friendster blog. copy n paste over)

Workahoilc

Ended project, have been staying at home, emailing resumes out, going for interviews... its really boring. I can't wait to get on production fast. Am a real & serious workahoilc since the age of 17. Starts to fall sick & get depress when not wking. Family complains that the amount of money I bring in is inconsistence, but I am doing freelance. How to be fix in income?
Am really tired of life. Am not the type to work in 9-5 jobs. Tried before, can't stand it, its just isn't me. :(
I need a job fast, if not I go crazy.

May 30, 2006 (wrote date in friendster blog. copy n paste over)

Hell is over

Finally finish filming of the 4 days of pilot shoot. There are so much stress, pressure, mistakes, problems, troubles during these 4 days of shoot. My time planning doesn't went smoothly. Rather upset in myself. Watever is the case, it's all over.
Hope that I can get a new project to do fast, if not I really have to worry about my next income.
My relationship isn't going anywhere, I don't know what's the problems. Maybe the whole problems lies in me. I don't know what I want. I need to do serious thinking. He really loves me but, it's just that I have no confident in myself and in any relationship. Maybe it's the past that hunts me, that's why I have fear in me. The fear is always there since my last serious relationship that's almost 6 years ago.
Been reading up on books regarding my fear, however, it's my inner self that's refused to open up.
Need to solve the problem fast, if not, this relationship will go down.

May 22, 2006 (wrote date in friendster blog. copy n paste over)

Questions in life

Health is getting better, can eat & sleep finally. Going to start filming next week, telling myself that things will turn out fine. Have a group of great collegues who make this project possible, without them I don't think I can do it alone. Collegues start to think that I am not working & I can't make it. Getting real useless in this trade that I need to be re-train. Getting a break after 27th May to nurse back my health & think about my future. How should I continue?where should I go? What should I do? Should I change trade? Need to get stable income cos I am not getting young anymore.

May 12, 2006 (wrote date in friendster blog. copy n paste over)

The world is going crazy

Find out recently that people can be so confusing and unsure... Going crazy at work that I don't really know what people want anymore. The whole project really drain my brain cells and health down. Good looking and good acting really to make a difference to everyone, everyone sees it so differently that I start to wonder is my taste as Casting Director so out that I am not fit? Should I continue in this field that I am proud of, that I have great passion in? I am not sure... Maybe someone can give me an answer...

May 05, 2006 (wrote date in friendster blog. copy n paste over)

What's life about?

Recently going some life crises. Getting serious depressions that I can't eat and sleep, only manage to eat a meal each day is no joke. Lose focus of my goals, my dreams, my motivations... going to lose my friends soon if I don't pull myself together fast. In my life darkest moment, I know 2 great new friends who really motivate and encourage me. 1 friend especially, Mr D, who I never one to lose. You taught me about life, laugh with me and let me cry on your shoulder.
Life is so unpredictable. Changes everyday, feelings come and go. "D", thanks for being there for me whenever I am unhappy and need someone to talk and joke with me. My friend, you will always be the one special "friend" in my heart.

April 24, 2006 (wrote date in friendster blog. a copy n paste blog)