2008 soon

2 more days to the end of 2007. I felt that I did not achieve much. I don't feel happy at all in 2007, so I am not looking forward to 2008. Have been filming for the past few days, will be filming on 30th and 31st also. Not sure of celebrating or having any countdown. Have been feeling very down and depress lately. The only thing I can say that I should be proud of myself should be that I am more focus in Directing and Project Manager positions. I still hate myself.

HoHoHoHo...

It's X'mas eve tomorrow and I guess I be all alone. No one has invited me, which they all have to be with their other half. Working tomorrow, then after that I guess I will go straight home and hide myself.

What to do. No choice. Not pretty. Not popular. Not famous. Not thick-skinned enough to force myself to join their couple time.

I REALLY HATE X'MAS!

I HATE BEEN ALONE!

I WISH I AM DEAD!

I HATE MYSELF!

I AM DEPRESS!

I AM SAD!

DEAD!

Merry X'mas

3 more day to X'mas, another lonely festive season to spend. I shouldn't be thinking about it at all. I have things to do.

1. Sort out company working schedules fast and make it workable. Spend half a day doing it, but got rejected by the boss. Re-do.
2. Make sure all scenes are done by Dec
3. Post for 2 projects and 1 more project (final episode) for DF got to be done. No hipcups please
4. Make sure I receive my final payment from DF, although it's only $400, better than nothing
5. Crew and talents payment to be settle
6. Hoping to do another rebonding soon
7. Got to service my stupid handphone that off by itself
8. Hoping to get my very own personal laptop soon

What else? I really don't know. It's 214am and I can't sleep at all. So bored! Starting pole dance level 2 on 2nd Jan at 8pm. At least there's something for me to do and spend my time in. Got to start reading those 3 novels I bought ages ago. No motivation to read cos it's rather boring, lucky I bought it at only 3 for $2. Not so heartache.

X'mas coming

8 more days to X'mas and I am so aimless in my love life. I HATE CHRISMAS! It's a seasons of love and hugging around. I have been lonely for some many X'mas years, and I got to spend it alone again this year.

I REALLY TRUELY HATE X'MAS

Golden Horse Award 2007

Watched Golden Horse Award 2007, the 2 awards I been waiting the whole night, rescults out. Best Orginial script - Xue Ying never get it.
Best Male Actor - Gurmit Singh lost to Tony.
The rescults are rather expected but was hoping for miracle. Oh well, will be seeing Michael and xue Ying on Tue. I can be at least proud to say that I am working the writer who was normainted. I am proud to say that I worked with Gurmit and Xue Ying before, which means that their price has increase because of this.
Mon another day of filming, pray hard that I can finish all scenes and don't over-run too much. Then next week, I have to do Mandy Ep9 TX post stuff. Be back in Dream Forest again to settle music cue-sheet and final transcript (with the help of Tim)
Lalalala... Then I see when the 2 bosses finally come back, what they want me to do. Not filming for Mindy, then see what I can do for the post for Mindy and Taoshu.

Never easy

It's never easy been a Director, especially when you are the Project Manager also. At a certain point, I don't even find that my ADs are helping much but I know that they are trying their best. "They are still new and fresh". This is what I always tell myself before I want to yell at the or do anything bad. I was new and fresh once too and I still make mistakes even up till today.

It wasn't an easy day of shoot today but thanks to the support I got from my crew, I manage to shoot everything (I hope) today.

I need to re-think about what position I want to do again. I can't be an Assistant Director forever. Position I got to consider are Project Manager (I got to learn how to handle the budget and network), Floor Manager (rather boring), Crew (learn more about camera works, lighting, sound), Stunts double (which I can't do forever and I will need to practise more on my moves), Director (need to read up on more filming books and watch more hollywood old movies).

Due to this project, I know new crew and understand my crew better. Mark - very nice guy who is always willing to help everyone. Akhbar - funny guy who never fails to make me laugh and can handle all the lighting by himself. Bob - great person although I have not work with him when I direct. Harold - friendly old man who never fails to speak his mind. Jason Yun - the youngest of the crew, always coming to me for advise.

It' s late now, got to sleep. Woke at 7am, filming from 9am-930pm. Very tired. Today is another day I Director cum AD cum abit of crew.

Strive on

Today is my official first day of shoot as Director. Finally! I directed the whole entire day today and without anyone beside me to guide me and assist me. Although I started the first scene over-run, I am glad that I made it today. On the whole, I over-run and "drop" 3 short scenes (total 3 scenes is around half a page). BUT I manage to shoot alot of things and did alot of last minute shots that's not according to my "homework". At first, I really wonder if I can make it, cos there are interview-drama to shoot which are 7 pages long, but I just manage to did it. My crew gave me alot of support and assurance that I can make it as a Director. I just need to buck up on my communication, in giving artists on their acting.

Director is such tiring position and job also, different from what I thought. Everyone listens to Director's instructions and awaits for the shot to take. Wherethe or not the scene or shot turns up nice or not, also depend on the Director. If the Director lose focus or can't think of any shot suddently, then everyone will start to lose respect. I was rather pressure and stress that I can't give proper and clear instructions. I hate and scare to disappoint others who have expectations of me. I always give my best in everything I do but I am just a human, not wonder woman.

The moment I wrap, I was so dead tired. All the thinking and talking makes me so tired. Now I know why Michael always complained of not enough water to drink and sore throat. I kept drinking water today also. Been talking non-stop the moment I start filming for the day.

Next shoot on Thur, I just hope I can focus also. Not sure if what I shot can be edited and conti or not. Can't wait for Michael to come back, watch my shots and give me his comments. Got to go back Dream Forest again either tomorrow or Thur after shoot to check on emails and do paperworks.

Quote this from Larry in 80's Rewind

Larry

Wish me luck

Others

Luck!

So, wish me luck friends.