What's going on with my life?

Donovan is sick, has food poisoning. He says maybe it's got to do with his father food. He has sore throat too. Hope he is feeling okay.

Daniel is sick too. He has been working too hard this whole month that he don't have enough sleep and rest. The weather is bad too, maybe he is caught in the rain.

When Ellery's house last Friday, mention in previous blog that I known this new guy call Zavier. Did somthing that more than a friend will do. I feel bad but not that totally bad. Oh my god!

When out with last night with XXXXX. At first meet up just want to play pool and catch a movie. In the end, we went to eat at TCC, then went to play pool, then went to drink. Which in the end..... Oh my god!

This morning, Donovan call me up and asks me if did I went out with XXXXX. He isn't happy about it. He never mention why but he just tell me and make me promise him that I will not go out with him again. Haiz... What is going on to my life? Why has life become so complicated? If you don't want me to go out with others, then shouldn't you spend more time with me? Although I look super independant and capable but I am just a normal woman who needs company and someone to love. Why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong that deserve this type of life? I am going crazy! I really hate myself! No one seems to understand my inner feelings at all. My heart is dead. It has stop beating for rather long time already. I am actually dead. My heart, my brain, all my nerve systems are dead. No one seems to be able to save me anymore. I don't even know if I want to be save or not. I am very sick of my life. Wish that any accident can happen to me and just let me go. Living is hell to me. All the guys I know seems to be wrong. All my relationships seems to go wrong. Don has a partner. Daniel is separted and blowing hot and cold towards me. Zavier... I don't know. XXXXX has a partner also. God! Why are you doing this to me?! Nothing seems to go right for me at all. Can you stop torturing me and just let me die. Just let me go. Please...

Body aching

Went to Ellery's house for the party he held. People I know like Wan Ping, Rosa, Jeremy, Glenn, Lyn, Jesz, Gillian... were there. Get to know alot of people not from this industries also. Unfortunatly, it rain twice. So we were like carrying everything up and down the BBQ pit and carway twice. I was in my skirt and heels lor, so although I wana carry alot but I have to limit myself.

Never eat much, cos as those who know my pattern, I don't wana eat too much in party whereby I am afraid the others willnot have enough to eat. Moreover, I eat rather ugly and unglam, so don't wana let others see. So to cure my hunger, I keep drinking lor. Keep drinking with a new-found friend, Zavier. A rather cute and fair guy.

Then the security guard and police came, all of us move to Ellery's house. I played computer games until 3am.

Woke up at 8am, Daniel sms me that he is sick so can't meet me today. Rather disappointed and sad but well... his health is more important. After sms-ing, I went back to sleep again and woke at 2pm. Whole body is aching. Actually, my legs and arms ache the most. Don't know why. Seems like I have been to the gym the whole of yesterday like that.

Haiz... Don't know when can meet Daniel again. He is so busy.

Wonderful day

Had such a rush Wednesday and Thursday. Got a call from Don on Wed morning inviting me to his office opening on Thur afternoon. Actually I plan to do some shopping and personal stuffs on Thur afternoon before my dinner appointment at night, So plans changes.

On Wed, I went to did Xmas shopping for then did my nails then did my hair. So by the time I reach home, I was rather tired. Maybe I sit too long when I did my hair or I shopped too much (I hate shopping by the way).

Woke up at 9am on yesterday, sms with Daniel. Then prepare to go to Don's office. Stayed there untill 7pm, afterwhich I went to meet Angeline at 730pm. She was late, as usual. Reach Daniel's restaurant at 830pm. He was so gentle, nice, loving, caring, shy, soft-spoken.... He is just too great! Hahahaha.... Angeline asks me if I am finally going to fall in love again after my last sadness. I am not sure. Really depend on fate.

Have been always sms-ing with Daniel everyday. Lets just leave it to fate.

Got another dinner appointment tonight at 830pm then Angeline's friend, Tommy, asks me out (with Angeline around of course). Meeting Daniel tomorrow. Daniel took the photos for us. He says my dress is rather translucent but Angeline says its okay.

Any date for me?

X'mas is appraching, only 4 more days. Will there be anyone celebrating with me? Got to know this Italian guy, have been sms-ing. Quite a nice guy. Will anything happen to our relationship? I don't know. Leave it to fate. This is the Italian guy, Daniel. Photo rather blur.
Here's another one.

Then got to know another foreigner from Africa, name Prince Hart. No photos of him. Also a rather nice guy but have hard time communicating with Prince. His English isn't good and I can't speak his language, so we have to use sign and hand language most of the time.

Sharon and Victor was teasing me about the guys from different countries chasing me. Hahahaha.... I am not popular nor pretty. Just that I don' know why, that's all. Sharon asks me to get married fast. Hahahaha...

I just want simple love, am a simple woman to start with. Bless me my friends.

Festive Seasona

It's getting nearer and nearer to Dec festive seasons, X'mas & New Year. It's suppose to be joyous and happy but how can I when I know that I am going to be alone. Friends will be celebrating with their loved ones and family. As for me, I have no party to attend, no one invite me out yet. Feel so lonely and sad. Wishing for the special someone to celebrate with me. It's been rather long time since I last feel the happiness of love and being pamper.

Is there anyone out there, who loves me and is going to spend the rest of my life with me?

I really need love and being pamper. However, my feelings now is more to leave it to fate. I can't force love to happen. If it's meant to me mine, it will be mine.

Freelance

It's official! I am back to doing freelance again starting from today. So friends and colleagues who read this blog, please do keep me in mind should you have any projects for me to do. I need the income and I need to work again. Have been sending resumes and sms out... *cross my fingers*

On un-paid leave

Just talk to female boss, since I got nothing to do in office, i might as well go on leave untill the projects are more fix. No point in me coming to office, play computer games untill it's time to go home or lunch. Then sometimes, the male boss gets hot temper over very small issues. Don't wana stay in office and listen to him scolding his wife or even worse, I kana scolded for no reasons.

Just as well, so I be working untill 6th, this Wed. Meanwhile, I be looking out for other projects to do. If other projects more stable and confirm, then maybe I will not even do Filmat36 projects at all.

Life has been so boring without any colleagues in office. No smoking kaki, no makan kaki.

Last Fri, met up with Serene. Quite nice and fun kid (I mean she is only 17, so of cos kid lor). Weekend was rather boring and got nothing to do. So sian.

Can't wait to go on leave and start other projects.

Working environment

It's was Jim's last day yesterday, he is happy and glad, I am sad and disapppointed and lonely. Am without any colleague again, have to eat lunch alone, smoke alone, no one to gossipe with me. Male boss is getting more and more irrating and I am so piss of him. I thought I am the only one, Jim can't stand him also, which is why he is so glad to leave the company. I am urgently finding another project to fall back on so that I can leave by giving a weeks notice.

All the things and paperworks I did are so simple and easy to read, just don't understand why he keep saying "I don't understand", "I don't know how to read", "I don;t know how to see". Either he is stupid or he wasted his 20 over years not improving at all. The paperworks I did, everyone who work with me before all understand and know how to read. What is he problem man?!

I really need to leave the company soon and go back and do freelance again. Just can't stand people who is so full of themselves and never improve.

Ahhhhh... am so lonely in office... so sick of facing the husband and wife bosses... I want to leave the company and start to breathe again...