What should I do?

Current company AVP just talk to me, she wana book me for the next project ASAP and other projects. If I agree then I be working for another 6 months staring from Sept, that's mean Sept to Feb. Aiya, I am still waiting for that company reply. That company boss says she will reply me next week. If that company offer is good, then how? Aiya. Haiz... But secretly I am very happy course I have been so packed until this year. Maybe my luck is changing. Maybe my career is going some where and going up. *Cross my fingers*

However, current company wants me to do PM for kids drama. Haiz! Another kids drama. Abit sian ler. Wana be Director soon ler.

Birthday in 8 more days.

PMS

Have been on rather moody these few days, don't know why. Just don't feel like smiling, talking, eating, sleeping, don't feel like doing anything. Only can work and wushu training. Maybe it's because I am aging and growing old, so there is abit of sadness in me. A lonely, aging woman also called 老姑婆. It's not like I don't have boyfriend I will die, but who don't want love from boyfriend? Which guy / gal don't wish to be pamper and loved by their partner?

10 more days to my birthday. Will he remembers? Will anyone remember? Can't wait to leave for Bintan on the 8th, wana leave this sad place for awhile to re-charge, re-fresh. To be the happy and cheerful Cherlyn when I first step into Dream Forest. Cos if not, sooner or later, all my colleagues will start to dislike me. Heard these song while writing my blog. So sad. So me.

我懷念的
演唱: 孫燕姿 作詞：姚若龍　作曲：李偲菘　編曲：Martin Tang

我問為什麼　那女孩傳簡訊給我　而你為什麼　不解釋　低著頭沉默
我該相信你很愛我　不願意敷衍我　還是明白你已不想挽回什麼

想問為什麼　我不再是你的快樂　可是為什麼　卻苦笑說我都懂了
自尊常常將人拖著　把愛都走曲折　假裝了解是怕　真相太赤裸裸
狼狽比失去難受

我懷念的是無話不說　我懷念的是一起做夢
我懷念的是爭吵以後　還是想要愛你的衝動
我記得那年生日　也記得那一首歌
記得那片星空　最緊的右手　最暖的胸口
(誰記得)　誰忘了

我懷念的是無言感動　我懷念的是絕對熾熱
我懷念的是你很激動　求我原諒抱得我都痛
我記得你在背後　我記得我顫抖著
記得感覺洶湧　最美的煙火　最長的相擁

誰愛的太自由　誰過頭太遠了　誰要走我的心　誰忘了那就是承諾
誰自顧自地走　誰忘了看著我　誰讓愛變沉重　誰忘了要給你溫柔

(我懷念的)　我還有想要愛你的衝動
我記得那年生日　也記得那一首歌
記得那片星空　最緊的右手　最暖的胸口
我放手　我讓座　假灑脫　誰懂我多麼不捨得
太愛了　所以我　沒有哭　沒有說

我和我追逐的夢 演唱: 劉德華 作詞 : 周治平

飄流已久 在每個港口能稍作停留
喜樂和哀愁今生不能由我　任風帶我停停走走　
孤獨依舊　多希望你能靠在我的胸口
卻不願痴心得到你的溫柔　人群之中裝在冷漠 　
淚不敢流 讓命運牽引著我南北西東
看世間悲歡離合難分難捨　而誰在為我守候
我和我追逐的夢擦肩而過　永遠也不能重逢
我和我追逐的夢一再錯過　只留下我獨自寂寞　卻不敢回頭

一生最爱的人 演唱：伍佰

你 用你独特的温柔 狠狠的刺痛了我
证明你已不爱我 你的干脆 你那有心的依偎
普通朋友的相对 以为我都没感觉

答应我 如果要离开我 请一定跟我说
我会祝福 让你走 如果没把握
不要说你爱我 这样是欺骗我 我的心儿好难受

我 没有误会你什么 因为看到你背后
藏着满满的冷漠 你的眼泪 流得那么的虚伪
像电影里的情节 其实你都没所谓

如果说 你还是爱着我
让我俩再从头 我会好好的把握
因为你是我 一生最爱的人
我真的舍不得 看着你 让你走

不要说爱我 不要说爱我
不要说你爱我 不要说

因为你是我 一生最爱的人

Watever

Elder brother is involve in putting together this year NDP, one of his sponsors gave him a MP4 which he doesn't want. So I sort of got my 1st birthday present early this year, an Suntech MP4. Have download songs in it, still trying to learn how to use it though. My very 1st MP4! Wow!

The bintan trip is finally booked, setting off on 8th at 8pm, coming back to Singapore on 10th.

Have decided not to sue him cos of some personal reasons and that he beg me. I lost alot of money and time. Now am just waiting for pay day cos I got no money to eat liao. Fuck!

16 more days

As I countdown to my birthday, I can't help but feel rather sad and lost. A year without boyfriend to celebrate for me and pamper me. Don't even know if will anyone remember the day. Although have make plans to sort of celebrate, my wish is so simple, A guy to love and pamper me. Is it so difficult? Be meeting "Sis" for dinner on my birthday itself, thus be skipping wushu training. Then going Bintan, leaving on the 8th, coming back on the 10th. Going with Samuel, Theresa and her 2 other friends. Be doing alot of water sports and suntan-ing. Can't wait. Need to get away from Singapore for awhile to unwind, hoping that I will come back refresh and charged again.

What's my wish for this year birthday or what present I hope to get? Saving up money to fullfilled these wishes and presents.

1. A boyfriend to love and pamper me, someone whom I can marry.
2. Laptop so I can work properly at home, don't wana "fight" for PC at home
3. Thumbdrive
4. New digital camera
5. New mobile phone that I have been aiming for very long (since last year). Nokia 7373 with blue tooth in powder pink
6. Hi Fi set in my room
7. Go for a month holiday to Hong Kong, Taiwan, Korea, Japan
8. Proper training outfit (gym bag, sweat pants, top)
9. Proper sports shoe to wear for filming and training (no shoe laces please)
10. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

Settled

I have finally settled my personal issues. I am physically, emotionally, mentally tired out. After 2 weeks, the issue is settled. Beside suffering from afew "blue-black", my heart and brain is torn apart. I don't wish to bother those around me about it, that's why I have been rather quiet and "black" face for the past 2 weeks. Am sorry to those friends and those around me who has seen this mood in me. Nothing much... I just wish to end everything, end my life... but I know I will upset those around me. I am hanging on there. Not sure how long more I can hang on. Bless me my friends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRKN7fuUONM

The song for my current mood.

Busy week

This week has been rather packed and fullfilled for me.
Mon: Getting ready for pilot studio filming
Tue: Reach office at 930am, bring props over to MCS studio. Rush filming like mad cos too many scenes. By the time I reach home it's almost 130am.
Wed: Reach office at 1pm, had scripts meeting for Canter's episodes from 130-930pm. Then went to have dinner with Bee, reach home around 11pm
Thur: Reach office at 1030am, rush through the production report and settle some stuffs from the pilot shoot (still have unfinished stuffs to do). Then amend one of the episode script. Scripts meeting for Glenn's episodes from 330-6pm. Ended early cos today then we continue the other 2 episodes. Too sian to go for my wushu class, so went hime directly. Haiz... missed 2 lessons liao, last week and this week. Yan Bing is going to kill me.
Reach office at 945am this morning, to continue the meeting at 10am. But Glenn is late again... Haiz... Make me wake up at 730am... so sleepy... I slept at 230am, sleepless night again... Guess I really have to depend on the Sleep Disorder Pills from Fancl again... Stop for a week now am back to sleepless...

Filming for studio went quite well... no hipcups and nothing happen except the usual over run. I just hate studio filming, wana do outdoor filming soon...

Party World

Went Jeremy's house for wrap party last night, he cooked dinner and after that we watched the rushes and photos for the short film. Not everyone turn up though, we are shortage of 2 person. The whole team make up of Jeremy, Wan Ping, Kai Li, Yizhuang, Victor, Gillian and me. Kai and Yizhuang never show up. So not really the whole team lor. After dinner and viewing, we went to Party World at Shenton Way for our ktv session.

MW celebrates the birthday there also. So while I am orginial in room 2 with the short film team, I rush over to room 64 for the birthday. The staffs at the reception must be wondering why I am running to and fro from both rooms the 1st half of the night. Went to room 64 1st time to say hello, then the 2nd time to cut cake then the last time to take group photos.

My team were laughing at me for being popular. Ha! I am not lor, just that so nice got party at the big room only lor and just nice that 2 events at the same time and same place. We sang until 330am, reach home at 4am.

Anyway, thanks to Jeremy for treating us to such great french dinner and ktv session. Thanks to everyone for doing such a great job during the short film.

Life goes on as normal

Had a rather boring weekdays in office with nothing much to do. Last night, went to buy some FANCL products for my parents and myself. Then had dinner with Sam in a restauramt that we will never go again. Bad services and bad food.

Later I be going for the short film wrap party, hoping that I will enjoy myself.

Next week will be the last week to pre-prod for the sitcom, pilot filming.
Mon: Imaging from 1-6pm
Tue & Wed: Double check on all props, rundown, sponsors etc
Thur: Imaging from 12-6pm
Fri: Imaging from 9am-12pm, rehearsal from 1pm onwards
Sat-Mon: Double double check and confirmation
Tue: Filming in studio 4

After that, got nothing to do again. Have lar actually, editing and meeting for my rest of the episodes.

True love are hard to get and find, treasure your partner. Waiting for someone whom I can say "I love you" to everyday. Someone whom I can hug.

The sms

Had a rather busy past few days. Mon went to MediaCorp at 11am, view footages with Director then imaging from 330pm-930pm. After that went to eat dinner with Sharon, Ellery and Sam.

Spent my Labour Day doing nothing, ended the day badly cos of my dad again. Haiz... He always has to spoilt my day.

Last night went to watch a play that Hansol is involve in, under Short & Sweet Singapore, his play is call "Jump". Never saw him perform before, not bad. Actually he look charming on stage. Hahaha...

"He" sms me last night again. I am still on the verge of recovering, why does he has to remind me of him? I just have to avoid seeing him and hearing from him for the time being, I guess I will be fine. I guess I can recover soon. I hope so. I think I need help in relationship. I think no one loves me. I think guys only see me as their "brother" or just someone to talk to.

Be going for my wushu training today as per schedule. Tomorrow 2nd round of auditions. Sat, "Singapore Gal Story" wrap party. Got 2 KTV sessions. Guess I be at the wrap party instead of MW birthday.

11 more days to filming.