Settled

I have finally settled my personal issues. I am physically, emotionally, mentally tired out. After 2 weeks, the issue is settled. Beside suffering from afew "blue-black", my heart and brain is torn apart. I don't wish to bother those around me about it, that's why I have been rather quiet and "black" face for the past 2 weeks. Am sorry to those friends and those around me who has seen this mood in me. Nothing much... I just wish to end everything, end my life... but I know I will upset those around me. I am hanging on there. Not sure how long more I can hang on. Bless me my friends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRKN7fuUONM

The song for my current mood.

Busy week

This week has been rather packed and fullfilled for me.
Mon: Getting ready for pilot studio filming
Tue: Reach office at 930am, bring props over to MCS studio. Rush filming like mad cos too many scenes. By the time I reach home it's almost 130am.
Wed: Reach office at 1pm, had scripts meeting for Canter's episodes from 130-930pm. Then went to have dinner with Bee, reach home around 11pm
Thur: Reach office at 1030am, rush through the production report and settle some stuffs from the pilot shoot (still have unfinished stuffs to do). Then amend one of the episode script. Scripts meeting for Glenn's episodes from 330-6pm. Ended early cos today then we continue the other 2 episodes. Too sian to go for my wushu class, so went hime directly. Haiz... missed 2 lessons liao, last week and this week. Yan Bing is going to kill me.
Reach office at 945am this morning, to continue the meeting at 10am. But Glenn is late again... Haiz... Make me wake up at 730am... so sleepy... I slept at 230am, sleepless night again... Guess I really have to depend on the Sleep Disorder Pills from Fancl again... Stop for a week now am back to sleepless...

Filming for studio went quite well... no hipcups and nothing happen except the usual over run. I just hate studio filming, wana do outdoor filming soon...

Party World

Went Jeremy's house for wrap party last night, he cooked dinner and after that we watched the rushes and photos for the short film. Not everyone turn up though, we are shortage of 2 person. The whole team make up of Jeremy, Wan Ping, Kai Li, Yizhuang, Victor, Gillian and me. Kai and Yizhuang never show up. So not really the whole team lor. After dinner and viewing, we went to Party World at Shenton Way for our ktv session.

MW celebrates the birthday there also. So while I am orginial in room 2 with the short film team, I rush over to room 64 for the birthday. The staffs at the reception must be wondering why I am running to and fro from both rooms the 1st half of the night. Went to room 64 1st time to say hello, then the 2nd time to cut cake then the last time to take group photos.

My team were laughing at me for being popular. Ha! I am not lor, just that so nice got party at the big room only lor and just nice that 2 events at the same time and same place. We sang until 330am, reach home at 4am.

Anyway, thanks to Jeremy for treating us to such great french dinner and ktv session. Thanks to everyone for doing such a great job during the short film.

Life goes on as normal

Had a rather boring weekdays in office with nothing much to do. Last night, went to buy some FANCL products for my parents and myself. Then had dinner with Sam in a restauramt that we will never go again. Bad services and bad food.

Later I be going for the short film wrap party, hoping that I will enjoy myself.

Next week will be the last week to pre-prod for the sitcom, pilot filming.
Mon: Imaging from 1-6pm
Tue & Wed: Double check on all props, rundown, sponsors etc
Thur: Imaging from 12-6pm
Fri: Imaging from 9am-12pm, rehearsal from 1pm onwards
Sat-Mon: Double double check and confirmation
Tue: Filming in studio 4

After that, got nothing to do again. Have lar actually, editing and meeting for my rest of the episodes.

True love are hard to get and find, treasure your partner. Waiting for someone whom I can say "I love you" to everyday. Someone whom I can hug.

The sms

Had a rather busy past few days. Mon went to MediaCorp at 11am, view footages with Director then imaging from 330pm-930pm. After that went to eat dinner with Sharon, Ellery and Sam.

Spent my Labour Day doing nothing, ended the day badly cos of my dad again. Haiz... He always has to spoilt my day.

Last night went to watch a play that Hansol is involve in, under Short & Sweet Singapore, his play is call "Jump". Never saw him perform before, not bad. Actually he look charming on stage. Hahaha...

"He" sms me last night again. I am still on the verge of recovering, why does he has to remind me of him? I just have to avoid seeing him and hearing from him for the time being, I guess I will be fine. I guess I can recover soon. I hope so. I think I need help in relationship. I think no one loves me. I think guys only see me as their "brother" or just someone to talk to.

Be going for my wushu training today as per schedule. Tomorrow 2nd round of auditions. Sat, "Singapore Gal Story" wrap party. Got 2 KTV sessions. Guess I be at the wrap party instead of MW birthday.

11 more days to filming.

Just stopping by

Can't sleep... Work tomorrow but not consider a busy day... as per normal... Selecting some footages for sitcom at 11am, then 3 imaging starting from 330pm onwards. At night, meeting Hansol so that he can pass me the tickets to his play on Wed. We are still short of 1 main supporting cast to form the whole family... Oh well... As per normal, network rejected ALL those that we auditions, so my poor casting director has to re-find again.

Diva gave me a bag when she went shopping last Thur. The bag is nice, very big that I can put alot of things inside.

I went for hair rebonding again and cut my hair shorter. Bought the shampoo, condition and treatment. Haiz... $340 gone within 6 hours. Too bad that I have super curly hair, so no choice that every 6 months I got to spent this amount of money to maintain my hair neatness.

Treated my family to lunch this Morning, went to the Hong Kong Cafe at Kovan. Order alot, total bill is $51 ++. Then went Body Shop to buy a perfume which I used up mine 1 year ago... Hahaha...

Yawn... Time to go to sleep... *Wish upon the stars that my Mr Right will appear soon*

What's wrong with me?

Feel like crying suddently. Why do I have such feelings? Maybe I have been listening to all those sad songs the whole day in office and got almost nothing to do. Too much free time to let my thoughts wander. Listening to LOVE'S INSTRUMENTAL COLLECTION HITS the whole day make me either feel like going ktv or cry.

Long to have the special someone to pamper me, loves me, cares for me, be there for me when I happy or sad.

Project is abit screw up for the time being, rehearsal date is so unfix... casts constraints as per normal... I am not complaining about work, nothing to complain about... Almost everything is going smoothly with small hipcups here and there.

如果有一天
云也飘了
花也榭了
但愿你我相约在天涯海角

我爱的他在哪？

Nice weekend

Had a great and rather wonderful weekend. After work on Friday, I went over to East Coast for the birthday chalet. At first I was rather anti-social, cos I really don't know the rest well. Then slowly the ice break a little. Everything was great but SOMEONE has to spoilt the mood by doing something stupid and selfish. THE PERSON is so childish and stupid that I am not going to talk to THE PERSON again.

At least I was anti-social at first but I don't spoilt everyone's mood. It's a birthday chalet, so everyone is there to have fun, that's all.

One thing I feel sad during the chalet is that everyone are couple there and I am the god damn single person there. Haiz...

What's new?

Nothing much to write about. Friday the 13th was rather unlucky day for me. Morning when walking to office, my heel strap broke, then i walked the remaining way to office barefooted. Sam was nice enough to go buy super glue and glue the strap back but in the end I still got to buy a pair of new shoe cos the strap is causing my feet to hurt.

The moment I got into office, I was rather pissed by someone. Oh well... the person isn't the worse I have encounter so far.

Then after work, went PS to but new shoe and had dinner with Sam. Afterwhich we went to drink. Had terrible cocktails but good Shisha. Then we went to join Ellery and Sharon for chat, until 430am then reach home.

Sat afternoon, woke up and had lunch with Hansol at a Japanese restaurant at East Coast. He is so nice, insisting in paying for the meal cos I intro him to the trailer shoot. I mean, he is not the only one I intro. Just nice I know there's audition so I just "throw" in afew names lor.

Today I woke up late, skip lunch and still have not eaten any food up till now. Not hungry and don't feel like eating. No mood to eat.

That's all for the updates. Nothing new happen in my life.

Trying to recover

Been uploading afew songs into my friendster, the songs say out my feelings. Sharon, thanks for sharing the songs with me. I like the last song the most as it best say out my inner feelings, Jolin Cai-你还爱我吗. A question that I really want to ask him but don't have the courage to.

Wondering what is he doing now. How is his flu. Does he still have sleeping problem every night? Is his business doing great. How is the meeting when he goes to his company in KL.

What I really want to ask is "Have you ever love me? Are you thinking of me?"
Questions that I know he will not answers.

When will I ever recover from this illness this time?

Thanks!

Been very upset and cried alot for the past few days. Am very gladful that I have a group of friends who stand by me and consoles me.

1. Thanks Sam for listening to my nonsense being there
2. Thanks Sharon for making a point to meet me yesterday and staying with me. Thanks for your hugs and shoulder when I out burst to you, crying like a mad woman the moment I saw you.
3. Thanks Ellery, although you never say much but just making yourself free out of your busy schedules.
4. Thanks Hansol for calling me the moment you read my last blog entry.

Thanks to all my friends who believes in me and willingly to let me vent my sadness to him. I will try to get over and overcome this down period. I will concentrate on my career and 武术.

I am still being hopeful in relationship and wants to fall in love soon. So do keep a look out for good man for me okay. :)

It's over

The short few weeks relationship is over. We are just not right for each other. He don't feel comfortabe having anyone and don't want to commit into any relationship right now. I don't hate him or blame him but I really feel hurt and sad that a relationship has to end. Though I still love him, I know that love can't be force. He prefer to remain as friends.

I am very sad. My heart has died once again. Why am I living on this earth for? No one loves me. My requirement isn't very difficult. Just someone to pamper and loves me. Am I asking for too much? After being through the past relationships, I have begin to take things easy and not be demanding. Is this a punishment for me? God! Are you trying to test me or just want to let me live the rest of my life alone? I really hate myself!

CHERLYN TAN I HATE YOU!

Training

Went for my 武术 training last night, did alot and really re-fresh my 武功底. Leg is aching even until now but have to bear with it cos tomorrow got another round of training. Now my training will be every Tuesday and Thursday, 7-930pm. As long as I am done re-freshing, then I will be personally trained under 彦炳 to learn stunt moves for 拍戏. I have to focus, concentrate and buck up cos i wana to do stunts again soon.

Sharon tells me not to do stunts again but stunts is inside my blood and I love the feelings. Guess nothing and nobody can make me change my mind for the time being.

Later going Bugis to see 彦炳 and his guys do a set up for an event performance tomorrow night. Too bad I can't watch the event tomorrow cos I got training. Training more important cos I wana learn fast and quick. Afterwhich, will be meeting with "Sis" for dinner. Long time never see her liao, lots of stuffs to check up on.

Can't wait to off work.

Dear... Love you and miss you

Spent too much

Oh no! I spent too much money last night and since I got my pay. Got to cut down on my spending liao. Went Fancl twice, first time spent $40++, last night spent $140++. Oh no! Must not go Fancl and must not any how spend money liao.

Going for my 武术 training later after work, training under 彦炳 and Ms Diva going to join me also. I very long time never 松骨, hoping that I can still catch up.

After training, might have feature meeting. Not confirm yet, waiting for Director to call me.

Ellery confirm with him about his feature filming in Aug, doing conti since I am still working when they need the 1st AD to start in June for pre-prod. Oh well... too bad... He says that doing conti also rather stressful and tiring. I never really fully do conti before, I mean previously as AD, conti is part of the responsible and job. At least, my resume got another new position -- Conti Person for Feature Film.

Dear dear.... I miss you... Love you...

Taking things easy

Miss seeing him... hugging him... just being with him... He is so busy with his business and friends... Is he serious about this relationship? I don't wana force him or think so much about it already... just let nature take it's course. If this relationship is meant to last, it will. For me, I will just wait for him in patience.

The project got delay, as per normal. Just becourse network wana use their dream male lead who isn't free for the actually filming schedules. Can't they just be more flexible? Their mind just work in a square. Irrating! Then my the other project in June got problem liao. Call the boss and told her about my side problem. Worse come to worse, I might not be able to do the other company June project -- a drama. Haiz. I love working in that company and boss.

Saw Yan Bing on Thur, decides and agree to go to his wu shu guan for training again. He is looking for female stunt and I like stunts, so there goes...

Last night, went ktv with Sam. KGarden at Serangoon Garden sucks UNLESS you likes to sing English songs, they have more orginial mtv for English songs. The song systems sucks, room too small BUT the aircon isn't centralise (good for people like me who can't stand the cold).

Hansol got a role in a play. Congrats to him!

I have been using the Fancl - washing powder, lotion and miky lotion since Friday night. So surprising that I actually spend the time and bother to do all these. Hahahaha.... Well, if my face turns up with improvment, then maybe I will start to invest in Fancl's products. Another one of Sharon the diva recommendations that I will spend money in again. Hahahaha....

Dear, I really miss you alot.

Unwell

Have been sick since last week, first I "lao sai", then I vomit, follow by sore throat, flu, aching body, gastric. Maybe I don't have enough rest, that's why body and health drop.

Have not meet dear for afew days already, wonder how is he now. Have a mutal understanding that I will give him time and patience for him to get into the relationship. So will not force him to meet him or do anything for me. Wonder what type of relationship I am having.

Wana learn diving. Under water world is so nice and peaceful.

Filming got delay, as usual for any productions.

Seems like all 3 Directors for the sitcom are rather nice and friendly.

To those who read my blog

Went drinking with Theresa and Sam after work last night, had a great night chilling out with them at Que Pasa. Left the place at 10pm plus, went to Liquid Kitchen at Serangoon Garden with Sam. On the cab, I called Sis to join me, but she isn't free. Then she told me that "he" has been reading on my blog and asking her questions about me. That got me abit piss off. Reading my blog is okay, since the first day I decided to write on blog, I know that some how or rather, people that I like / dislike and people that I know / unknow will read. But the main issue is that since you read and have question on your mind, can go ahead and ask me instead of bothering my Sis. Whatever happen to me in my life, has nothing to do with her. She has her own problems and troubles and daily stuffs, she isn't answeable to my life.

If you are concern about me as a friend, then you can directly ask me. You know who you are, cos I did sms you (out of the blue) last night. Also, should you (anyone out there) who leaves comments in blog, please don't sign off with the name "passerby". If you can leave comments, you might as well leave your name too. You know who you are. I will not hunt you or kill you if you leave your name, which I don't even have the time and bother to.

Well... I just wana voice out my feelings which I have been in my heart and mind since last night. No offends to anyone.

Saturaday outing

Was suppose to go Sentosa, Victor's house yesterday. But the whole plan got cancel and when I called Victor, he sound rather angry with me. I don't mean to cancel it but out of 6 people, 2 can't join at all, 2 going for a free screening until don't know what time and then 1 got filming until 3am. I mean, what's the point right? Oh well, there's nothing I can do. I can only say sorry cos I called and tell him the plan cancel.

Then Hansol called at almost 9pm, we arrange to meet to go for a drink. We went drinking at Serangoon Garden, Liquid Kitchen. I had a bottle of beer and 2 cocktails. Chat till 2am then go home. It's rather fun and nice chatting with him. He is a guy with dreams and goals. Come all the way from Korea and be in Singapore alone, in order to learn Mandarin and acting. Really wish him the best.

Sunday afternoon now, what do I do today? How am I going to spend my time? Any friends want to go out with me?

New Begining

Date: 13th Marth 2007
Time:L 2330hrs
Venue: Dbl O

The above marks a new begining in my love relationship. We are going together as a couple. Although we have our differences, we are giving each other a try and hoping to make our relationship works. Me 28, he 36. Both of us agree that we are not getting young anymore, so we have to make it work.

He sent me home in taxi cos he sent his car for repair yesterday. He was rather upset that it had to rain when he sent his car to repair but... I manage to make him smile again. Heehee...

Hoping for the best.

Dear

My dear, who isn't my boyfriend, is coming for an audition today. Although I know that most likely he will not be picked as the main lead, however, I still hope that he can appear in at least 1 of the episodes.

He has the face of Ch8 but can't speak Mandarin that well, has been acting for afew years already. Just hope that he can get a 2nd chance after that time auditioning for Heartlanders.