Boredom

Am so bored! Died of boredom soon. It's Friday, both bosses are overseas, Assistant not in office (locations sourcing by right), so I am all alone in office since 11am. Actually, I can don't bother to come in but in case bosses call to spot check or something, I'm not in, then I kana liao.

Finally watch "Cabaret", a rather nice and enjoying musicial show, which makes me look forward to the one Ellery, Emida and me are preparing.

Have not really start on my short film amendment script yet after talking with Ellery and Sharon that night. Don't really know how and where to start. This always happen to me. Sian ah.

Helping up with Ngee Ann Poly and NTU FYP (foc again). Donovan is so stress up with Ngee Ann script cos he has to speak in Mandarin which he has never acted in Mandarin before. Am helping him with that, really hope that he can gain more confident in speaking in Mandarin so that in future he can act in Chinese show (although I don't like Ch8), in a way he can gain more recognisation for his acting. NTU wants Donovan also but it's rather tiring and no income to do 2 short film within the same month or close to each other.

Jim will be working till 30th Nov, then it will be his last day liao. Cos bosses don't think we can shoot anything in Dec, by Jan Jim is preparing to leave for his overseas studies. I be left alone with no colleagues again in Dec and Jan. It will be so boring and sian to face bosses only everyday. This is sick. Contract till Jan, but should there be project for me in Jan, I will leave in Dec. TVCs and Documentarys just isn't for me. I need to be in action, running about, packed with works. Paper works, co-ordinatings, calling up are just so executive. Am falling sick staying in office everyday, neck and shoulder are aching for facing with the PC for hours. Have to start looking for projects for next year liao, so that I can leave in Dec.

Still praying hard that I can start filming my short film by March... maybe by June lar...

It's been almost 5 months since I broke off... feel so lonely... feel that life has no meaning for me... when will my Mr Right comes and sweep me off my feet? Where are you my dear? I wana hug and kiss you my dear. I really need someone to love me, pamper me, clean my tears away, be with me, by my side. Haiz... am I going to spend Dec festive alone again? Without any boyfriend? I have been through those period, am really scare of the feeling. Why is all this feelings coming to me? Why? Can anyone give me an answer?

Bored and sad

Well... getting more and more impatient of current company. Sign a 3 months contract with them instead of fulltime, cos they can't agree on my rate.

Nicholas is coming back on Sat, 18th. Long time never see him liao. Wonder if he has put on weight or lost weight. Will be auditioning him on Mon, then go for dinner. Can't wait to see my long time buddy.

I am so tired... am so bored... friends always not free... am getting more and more forgetful... so sian...

Kai Li told me over msn recently that I am always bossing her arounf on set, I tend to talk like ordering people. I didn't realise that, have to change on that. If not all assistant don't like me liao.

I can't think of ideas for my script, brain very dead. Don't know where to start writting. Am so slow in my script. Can die...

I need motivations... Miss going out with friends... Am someone who is very afraid of loneliness

Updates

Well... just a short recap of what I did last week.

08th: Met up with Victor to discuss script, always have fun meeting him. He is so chatty and so full of ideas. Went Marina Square and eat, which I forgot the restaurant name. Restaurant rather nice and server rather good too.

09th: Met Sharon at City Hall, had dinner then chat until Ellery joins. Afterwhich, we went Arab Street, they bring me to this place that I will never go alone to smoke this pipe tinky that I forgot what's its called. I don't really like it so I only smoke 2 puffs. Showed them my script, alot of comments and changes. :( Need to rewrite again.

10th: Met up with Jeremy at PS and had dinner at a Japanese restaurant. Afterwhich, we went for a drink at Room Full Of Blues at Prinsep Street. Order a jug only cos he can't drink much, so sian lor. Actually, I wanted to wait till Ellery and Sharon joined us after their lan game but Jeremy is so tired that he just wana go home. So we left lor, I will not want to be alone in the pub and wait lor. Felt rather bored and still wana drink so more, so called Daniel (who is still awake) and went to his house and drink, chat, play poker cards. Stay on till 6am then go home.

11th: Gillian's birthday. Went to eat at Swensen beside Paragon. People I know who turn up are: Ellery, Sharon, Jeremy, Glenn, Jim and Amanda. Over 20 people turn up for her birthday. Wow! We surprise Gillian by giving her a cake (which is as hard as a rock) while she is eating half way. She almost cried. After that, went pub with Ellery, Sharon and Glenn. Nothing much happen cos I don't really know the other half of the group who are there. So I just sit with Sharon, who is protecting me and taking care of me like an angel. Hahahaha...... Ellery sent me home after that, so nice of him.

13th: Should have gone for locations sourcing, but it rain when I just reach the first location. Worse thing is, I fell and sprain my right leg. So unlucky. Then I just go home and never go out liao cos I got fever suddently also.

I think that I sort of repeat myself in the updates. Did I? Forgot liao. Aiyo... getting old liao... keeping forgetting things and issues.

Company got another project in which as usual, I am involve. Have talk to lady boss today, decide to go for another 3 months contract cos they can't pay me the rate for full time. So until 12th Feb lor. Well... at least don't have to worry about finding projects every month lor.

I need a life. I need friends to company me. I need boyfriend (as in normal relationship). Donovan got his very first Mandarin short film and he is not sure if he should take up or not, cos he is not confident about the language.

Am still dreaming about my holiday trip to HK or Taiwan. Anyone interested in going?

Back to basic

This week goes rather fast, busy with full time works and outside works. Met up with Victor on Wed and discuss script, yesterday showed Ellery and Sharon my script. Not very good.

Ellery says that I need to do more research, watch more movies, script need to have a stronger theme, characters need to have difference.... He comments alot, the main point is that my script not good enough to be even summit for grant.

Rather sad after hearing, but am glad that I showed him. Ellery is very helpful and nice. He shares with me alot of details, give me pointers, guide me. Ellery and Sharon are both wonderful couple and as friends.

Okay, it's now back to basic for me. Have to go back to orginial storyboard. Hope to think of something during the weekend. Cos in order to get the grant, it's take 2 months to get feedbacks. Have to start from beginning and re-think about how my script and characters going to be like.

About full time works, locations researcher and art director leave the project already. So now, Jim and I have to do the duties which I think by the time Jim leaves, we only did 1 episode lor. I hate doing locations sourcing, it's a shitty and fuck up job. It reminds me of my credit cards days. Walking from place to place, smiling to strangers, sweet talking but professionally in order to get the locations for free... I just hate it.

However, no matter what, I have to do it. Cos I am the ONLY full time staff in the WHOLE FUCKING COMPANY and the bosses always like to compare the previous ones.

Mon, have to locations source in Serangoon (my place area, unfortunately, everyone will know my job liao), Ang Mo Kio, Toa Payoh and Bishan. This is silly.

*Think positively, maybe I manage to get locations? Nah... the most positive I can think of is that I don't have to go back office and can go home early and not wake up at 830am*

Actually now, my main concern is that how to write my script that at least Ellery will approves.

Updates

Well... nothing much happen... Company projects got delay, as per normal... Don't know when can start filming, which I don't wish that it will crash with my other plans...

Met up with Victor and discuss about my short film... he really help me by giving me creative juices and in my broken English. Finally wrote finish my 1st draft yesterday and now it's down to fine tunning. Chat with Rick Tan yesterday, told him about my short film and he shows interest... My idea and shortlisted "Chris"

Then had the very first meeting with Emida and Ellery the other project, lets just name it "60s". We had a great time throwing in ideas and they really can throw in creative ideas very fast. I am so glad to be involve in the project with them, cos I really like working with them and admire their works and attitudes.

Really hope that everything will go well for me and in my career starting this year end.

Jia You wor, Cherlyn!

Multi-taskings

Currently trying to multi-tasks, which is never easy for me cos I tend to lose focus easily. However, I do have some targets I hope to achieve by next year or within 2 years.

Target or wish list:

1. Promote the talents I find promising: Donovan, Hansel, Hansol, Victor
2. Produce a short film with the script writen by myself
3. Be a director for current company, at least direct a corporate video
4. Get to do projects overseas: Malaysia, Hong Kong, Taiwan
5. Find a boyfriend who can be my life-time partner
6. Earn enough money to make my parents not worried about me
7. Go for eye-correction laser
8. Correct my teeth
9. Be more tone
10. Gain more recognisation for my works
    

Some targets are rather hard to do but I will still do what I can to make it happens. I mean, if others can do it, why can't I? Of course, when it come to relationship, I just have to leave it to fate. I can't force a relationship to happen right?

Was talking to Sharon over the phone, she is right about one thing. I am still a little woman at heart. My main wish is to be able to find a life-time partner and be loved and pampered. Don't all woman wish for that too? Which woman wants to work forever? Being pamer and love is such a wonderful thing. Being able to share each other joys and sorrows is such a blessing and loving things.

Well... I just have to wish and hope for miracle to happen for my relationship. As for works, I have to fight for it anf stay focus. Whoever read this... wish me all the best and wish me success ok...

Old kakis

Was chatting with Donovan on the phone till 230am on Sat, then finally went to sleep. Got disturb in my sleep by Nat at first, sms me at 630am to ask me to go Ubin. I never reply, he called me at 11am again. This time he clever, he knows that I will not go, asks Chan and Vincent to talk to me. So in the end, I got no choice lor... Took a bath and travel down to Changi Village in cab. Bought beers and can drinks for them (they paid for it of course!)
Had fun chatting with them, catch up news with them. Miss working with Chan, Nat, TK, Vincent. Felt like a star in the beginning. Passed my mobile to Nat, wants him to take a photo of me and Vincent, then suddently, got 4 more other cameras taking our photo also. Hahahahaha.....
The new AD and intern kept getting scolded by Chan... so poor thing... but yeah, I think that they have to be more alert and productive lor...
First time go Ubin, don't have to work. Hang around and just drink with the crews.
Photos I took

Busy weekend finally

Had a great weekend... finally get to sort of enjoy and at least not bored at home rotting away. Met up with Sharon for dinner then went KTV pub at her friend's work place... her singing is great and she got powerful voice!

Then Hansol (my Korean friend) join us at around 12midnight, after he has check in to his hotel room. But we only meet up for food, then Sharon and I continue to go for our drinking sessions. Hahahaha.... I seems to drink more and more with Sharon around.
Sat, was spent at home, writing my script and doing some personal stuffs.
Sun afternoon, met up with Hansol from Korea. Had lunch at Wheelock Place then accompany him to buy some stuffs.



Afterwhich, went with Jeremy to see his editing.






What a weekend. Shoots got delay as per normal... haiz... I hate it man... Joey call me today to do Ubin BoyII shoots... wish I can do it cos got Chan and Nat and regulars... too bad I can't do it... :(

Updates

Went out with Donovan last Fri night, was rather nice to go out with him. First he came for audition at 7pm, then end at around 8plus. Went to eat dinner, then went to 2 different pubs to drink then last stop at the beach. Things are going rather smoothly between us, hope we can go far from there.

My eyes are badly affected by the haze that even without contact lens, they are painful. That's very bad lor, cos I look better with contact lens. The haze are so bad these days that I think the world is going to die lor.

My mobile phone is going crazy again, now I can only hear the caller when I put on loudspeaker. Which is stupid cos it's mean the whole world can hear my conversation lor. Decide to buy a new mobile phone after I got my pay at the end of the month.

360 finally pay me, after 6 months.

Hansel from Korea will be reaching here on Fri 12midnight, be meeting him over the weekend cos Sun he be flying back.

Tele-movies have been push back and company got another project coming up. Shoot on 31st Oct. I got the schedule plan out liao, nothing much for me to do. I not sure if I be staying in the company for long or not, cos I can't communicate that great with the boss (male) and moreover he will be the director for almost all projects. His ideas are so XXXX that I really can't believe that it can be shoot and don't think that it be nice on screen lor. Don't know lor... see how first.

Ok lar... that's all for the updates....

Weekend enjoyments

Had quite a fun and great weekend. Sat morning went Sentosa beach with Victor and Ignatiusm alothough we did nothing there and got rather bored (for me at least), it's nice to get away from the main city once in awhile. The haze was really bad and terrible that day but we still continue with our outing. After hanging out at the beach for sometime, we went walking around. I bought a new shade cos I lost my orginial one. Went to Vivo City and shop for awhile, I bought a new jacket that's costs $109 after discount. I like the jacket very much and have been dying to buy such design everytime I saw such jacket.

Then at night, meet up with Glenn. Had dinner at Sakai Sushi then bought drinks from 7-11, sit by the staircase and chat till 1130pm to catch the last bus. Glenn is a rather nice and funny person, very easy to communicate with.

Went back to office on Sun to do auditions, afterwhich went out with Sharon. Went to eat at PS, then hang out at TCC for afew hours. Then went to drink near Centrepoint area, Sharon recommended the place. I like the place. It's nice, relaxing, not many people. We ordered 2 bottles of red wines. Sharon actually is a nice and chatty person, different from the first time and impressions I had of her when I first met her on set. She can be a advisor and guidance with her years of experiences. We had so much fun talking and drinking. Part at 4am, then I decided to report mc at work today. Too tired and lazy to travel to work. Slept till 5pm then got woke by mum to wake up and eat.

Long time never felt so relax and drink so much liao. But spent too much money for the weekend, need to spend my money wisely before I get my pay at the end of the month, that's 22 more days to go. Haiz... Need to eat cheap foods again...

Long time friend

Met up with Donovan last night after 5 months, he still look as charming and handsome as ever. Business is looking good for him and he has been travelling to KL quite alot for the past few months. Had dinner with him at NYDC, talk to him about asking him down for audition, chat and gossipe about other issues. Then we went to drink orange juice at a coffee joint and chance upon Jim (current 2nd AD). Long time never chat with Donovan and listening to his speech and jokes always makes me laugh and joyful. Chat till late at night, then we share a cab whereby he sent me home first.
It's been quite awhile since I last flirt with another guy, especially someone so charming and handsome. Hahahaha.... Since my last relationship, I am always trying to smile but not from within my heart.
Thought of going to the beach this weekend but not sure if the rest is free or not. I need to release myself, enjoy and relax. I need to breathe properly. Need to find the real Cherlyn back before I turn into someone without any soul.
Can anyone help me?

Holiday anyone?

Life has been too boring for me... too boring... I am not the sort to call and ask friends to go out, so wait for friends to ask me out lor... which is just plain waiting.... after works and weekends are terrible and hard to past cos I got nothing to do.... always have to think of things to do to kill time just makes me miserable...

Have been thinking... current projects will end in mid Dec... will be helping Jeremy with his short film over 1 of the weekend in Dec before X'mas... then after that company should be going on a break... Thought of taking leave to go holiday... I don't mind going anywhere but don't wish to go alone... which I guess I will end up going holiday cos... guess I don't have to say much anyone can guess.... no boyfriend, friends busy... haiz....

Need to go back to the salon and redo my rebonding (free as agreed), cos after washing my hair, it starts to curl again. Normally, small rather invisible curls are okay for me (which always happen cos my hairs are very curly), but this time, the curls are alot and I wana get my money worth.

Ellery is so nice. I ask him to write me a testimonial and he really did (so fast) and mail it to my home. He is so nice to put in so much good words for me in the testimonial. Hahahahaha... makes me blushed.

I am bored! Very bored! Need friends! Friends, where are you? I am so free but no one ask me out. Why?

Another week has past

Second week in the company and left has been the same. Boring, tiring, depressions. 2nd AD has finally come in and after so many projects, so long, another guy as 2nd AD. Hoping that he doesn't turn up like CW.

He came online, then know that his grandfather pass away. Although I seldom talk to him whenever I went over to his house, but still got sort of communicate with him. I don't think I wana go to the funeral course I don't wana feel funny not knowing what to talk to him about and how to behave especially if his girlfriend is around.

Making myself busy nowadays, beside doing stuffs at own work, helping Jeremy with his project, helping Hansel in his portfolio. Just making myself busy untill I don't have the time to think of anything else. Is this the life I wan to lead? Sad? Lonely? Miserable? What's the type of life I wan? I don't know anymore... I am unsure... I am confuse... I am lost...

Motivations

Find out yesterday that the company is very new and green in terms of drama experiences. Explain to them that we need to get people to fill up some positions that's needed in the project so as to let the project runs smoothly. I sort of gain respect in here cos they see me as a very experience AD in the drama field. Now I need to get Art Director cum Props Person, Locations Researcher and Sponsorship Manager cum Conti on set. These have to be the people that I can trust and hopefully work with.
When I was interviewed, they told me that I be the 2nd AD for the 1st round, then yesterday they told me that I be the 1st AD instead and the orginial 1st AD will be my 2nd AD. What a change. So I guess they must have abit of trust and respect in me to let me handle lor.
I have not do any auditions yet, need to show Eric the photos then let him choose lor. I got kiv Fish. Hoping to be able to find a role for Hansol and Victor. Hansol asks me to be his agent in Spore, then I can have a cut out of his payment. Will be meeting him up next weekend to discuss about it, did asks him to help in Jeremy's short film. Need him to help us gain resources and permits in Malaysia. Victor takes part in Mr World Singapore 2006 and get into the top 12, last night got a competition, he won the Mr Personality award. So happy for him.
Realise that I am getting more into short films for the past few months. Went for screenings, met up with film makers etc. It's good in a sense cos then I can explore out of the tiny box of dramas. Hope to make my own film someday.

Start anew

Finally wrap the short film, being filming like madness for 4 days. 2nd project with Ellery and the same madness and rushing of locations happens. Although there are some hipcups, everything and everyone was wonderful. The crew are great! Although they are rather new, they are always willing to learn and teach what they know. They never complain about over running, delay meals time, having to work early the next day, tiredness... They are excellent. The production team rocks too! Need to credit them in my blog.
Crew: Looi Wan Ping (DOP), Glenn, Ismail (Soundmen), Yew Yee, Linus (Soundmen Assistants), Wei Ming (CA), Alex John Tan (Gaffer)
Production Team: Ellery (Director), Lynn, Jeremy (Producers), Kai Li (Art Director), Amos (Production Assistant)
As for me, I am the Assistant Director cum crew. Hahahahaha.....
Hope to work in another short film again with such great and cool team members.

New beginnings

Just start my full time job after being freelance since I left MW. Abit scary though, the whole company only 1 full time staff and that's me, alone with 2 bosses. Aiyo... no collegues, no people to gossipe with, no one to eat lunch with... This is sad... just wondering if I can "tahan" for 2 months or not.

Going to start shoot tommorrow for Ellery's short film, abit tight schedules but hopefully everything will run smoothly and not much hipcups. Everyone did a great job so far. Ellery, Jeremy, Lyn, Kai Li, Rey. All come together just to make this short film for free. Oh yeah! Thanks to Zachary for agreeing to act for me in 1 scene for free and I just ask him last night so more.

Had this feeling so this person, but not sure how he thinks of me. Well, leave it to fate.

All the best to the short film, my new company and my life.

Life vs Work

Have been rather busy these few days. Going to start filming this coming Friday and the main cast isn't confirm yet. My home pc is down and I got no money to send for reply or buy a new one. Can't do my schedules and send email out. Feel so helpless and useless.
Filmat36 call me up and we agree to try out for 2 months before going full time and I start work tomorrow. Which means I have to settle the short film schedules by today, which I am at my auntie's house doing it. To make my mood worse, she has no excel in her pc which I have to download it and it's going to take hours. Fuck lar! My life and work isn't going anywhere!
Have been so lonely at nights, getting sleepless nights....
My life and work sucks! No stable career, No stable income, No love life, No friends to go out with.
Feel like dying sometimes...

折磨

又是一个睡不着的一夜,我还是很想他. 不知道他现在过的好不好, 睡了吗, 在做什么, 他和她还在一起吗.... 我真的很难受, 再这样下去我会疯的! 这样的日子太折磨了! 或许这是个报以吧, 老天给我的惩罚. 难道我真的要孤独终生? 我很怕, 真的很怕.

Learn to let go

Realise that I sound too hateful in my last blog, maybe I just woke up or am feeling blue. Whatever... I was the one who said the word "lets break off", so in the end there is any regret its all my fault. All faults are mine, I can't blame anyone. At his life darkest moment, I wasn't there for him. It's too late to feel regret and to do any amendments now. It's all over. Let's just say I lost someone who really treats me like a princess, who pampers me, who loves me.
Suddently, I thought of this song by Tank, "给我你的爱"
等待　一点一滴　你对我感到安心感觉　朋友关系　有了新的默契便利商店里　谁也买不到我们最想要的东西　只握在　喜欢的人手上
给我你的爱　让我陪着你去未来给我你的爱　手拉着手　不放开就算宇宙爆炸　海水都蒸发只愿你的记忆里　有我的拥抱
我的　最大幸褔　是发现了我爱你灵魂　有了意义　用每一天珍惜
便利商店里　谁也买不到我们最想要的东西　只握在　喜欢的人手上
给我你的爱　让我陪着你去未来给我你的爱　手拉着手　不放开就算宇宙爆炸　海水都蒸发只愿你的记忆里　有我的拥抱
雨和天空也有　相爱的可能望着你的微笑　情不自禁
给我你的爱　让我陪着你去未来给我你的爱　手拉着手　不放开就算宇宙爆炸　海水都蒸发只愿你的记忆里　有我的拥
All the best to you and may you be happy always. I know that the new person in your life will loves you more than I do. I know she will pampers and be better than me. Actually, anyone is better than me.

Sleepless night

Can't seems to fall asleep for the past few nights, actually since filming ends. Lying on bed thinking of him, thinking of the times spend together. The more I think, the more upset I feel. He said he will loves me forever, he will waits for me forever, he will always be there for me... but barely broke off for less than 1 month, he got a new person in his life. All those things he said are all bullshits! Less than 1 month! I never had a change of heart. I never fall in love with another one. I am still single even after the broke off. He said he will wait for me! Look at all those empty promises! I hate him! I HATE HIM! HATE HIM! HE LIED!