Birthday coming in 19 days time, on 7th June. Wonder if anyone remembers or rather will anyone celebrate for me. Might be working on that day, cos it's a weekend. Not bad, I got the whole production team, crew and casts to be with me. Hahaha... Better not over-run that day, cos I don't wish to be "dead" on my birthday.

Birthday wishlist:
-Hoping that I will have a boyfriend who will be with me
-Health to improve
-More income coming in
-Great career ahead
-Colour printer
-Take up more courses
-Go on a trip

Going to start another mad round of drama on Tuesday onwards. A position that I don't want to be in but I am there to "save" the whole project or rather the production team, as quoted by the DOP. Hahahaha... not sure if I can do anything or be on form again but as everyone knows me, I will do my 100%. Hahahahaha.....

I have been having a series of mood swings and depressions lately. Due to certain issues, I am rather dissapointed and upsets. Oh well, it's over I should move on. Until I manage to get another project, I don't think I can don't let my mind wander too much.

Have been sending resumes to event companies and record companies. Hope to get a reply soon this week, then I can start working again next week.

Should I go back to production? Be out on shoot again? Be involve in low budget dramas again? I don't know anymore, I need to think about it. If just doing PM duties, I might consider. Cos I think I want to rest from all those filming days, those rushing under the sun days.

Waiting for Mark to come back and then I got to talk to the crew about certain issue. Issue that I have never talk about since I join the industry. Issue that I don't know how to really settle and "communicate".

I went to pray for marriage to 月老, hope that I can find someone soon. But guess it's difficult also lar, when I am not working, I am always at home. Never go out, never take part in any activities, never went to any function or event.

Haiz... It's all boil down to fate again. Hope that everything will go well for my work and relationship.

Terrible like hell

Just took out the wisdom teeth, feeling worse now. Am hungry but can't eat, cos I am dripping water from mouth. Then my left side, which the teeth was taken out, hurts like hell. It hurts so much that my head hurts, my mouth hurts, my eye hurts. All on the left side. I can't swallow properly, can't speak properly. I just vent my anger and fustration and everything by crying just now. But crying doesn't help, its hurts more. Shit!

Feeling terrible

Feeling terrible these days, actually weeks. Having toothache on my right side for days, can't eat and sleep well. Last night it starts to get worse, I can't sleep at all. Then this morning, mum bought me wantan mee before I went to my grandma side for her x-tray at TTS. Can't really eat, have to force my mouth to open and force the food down my throat. Be going to see the dentist at 730pm later. Hope its nothing serious.

Filming isn't going too smoothly also. Haiz. Oh well, no filming is smooth anyway. Thanks to casts and crew support, if not I think I am going to break down soon. I have not been at the best of health lately and been having sleepless nights, I am getting old, physically and mentally is tearing apart.

I really am going to take a break after current project ends, either going to study short courses or holiday.

Songs on my mind at tis moment

如果有一天 - 梁靜茹
曲︰郭文賢 詞︰易齊

現在也只能欣賞　唯一的合照一張
淡忘了的是那個街角
想念的是當時的微笑

生活中交錯失望　越想念就越孤單
若再被寂寞迎頭趕上 多感傷原來只是正常

你是不是也在品嚐 一個人的咖啡和天光
是不是也忽然察覺到 多出時間看天色的變換

如果有一天　我們再見面
時間會不會倒退一點
也許我們都忽略
互相傷害之外的感覺

如果哪一天　我們都發現
好聚好散不過是種遮掩
如果我們沒發現 就給彼此多一點時間

別問我是誰 - 王馨平
曲︰蔡議樟 詞︰蔡議樟 編︰屠穎

從沒說過愛著誰　為誰而憔悴
從來沒有想過對不對
我的眼中裝滿疲憊
面對自己總覺得好累

我也需要人來陪　不讓我心碎
讓我愛到深處不後悔
其實我並不像他們說的
那樣多刺　難以安慰

愛人的心應該沒有罪
為何在夜裡卻一再流淚
每天抱著寂寞入睡
生活過得沒有滋味

別問我是誰　請與我相戀
我的真心沒人能夠體會
像我這樣的人不多
為何還要讓我難過

別問我是誰　請和我面對
看看我的眼角留下的淚
我和你並沒有不同
但我的心更容易破碎

What Cherlyn Tan PeiSan Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

Life has been a a circle lately; work, rest, film. Nothing much happen, never been out with friends, staying home on off days. Been visiting my grandma, bought her stuffs and food that she requests.

Filming has not been smooth and I did more than my job duties, which alot of industry people told me that I shouldn't. "Don't spoilt the market lar Cherlyn", I wish I can just do my duties but I find it hard to say to my bosses. I will try okay, I will.

I just hope that it don't rain on the filming days and that everyone are on the "ball" on set.

Am dreaming of holidays again. God! When can I truly and really leave Singapore? Someone please save me.

Him=him?

My friends actually say that 苗桥伟looks like Don. I think I still miss Don so much that I like the actor or is it that I like the actor so much that I like Don? I don't know, only knows that I miss Don alot. He always say that he will ask me out, he will call me, but I wait and wait and he never calls. I am so sad and heartbreak. My life is so meaningless.

Do they look alike?

Charming

Am chasing on a new HK drama recently, which is ending soon on SCV. 赌场风云, my most favourite actor inside is 苗侨伟 Michael Miu .

个人档案

华文名称:苗侨伟

英文名称：Michael Miu Kiu Wai

昵称：阿苗

生日：1958年6月18日

星座：双子座 SAME AS ME!!!!

身高：180cm MY DREAM MAN HEIGHT

体重：70-80kg GREAT WEIGHT TO MATCH THE HEIGHT

血型：O SAME AS ME!!!!

学历：香岛中学毕业

婚姻状况：已婚，一子一女 DISAPPOINTED

最喜欢的运动：高尔夫球等

最喜欢的颜色：白色 SAME AS ME!!!!

最喜欢的零食：大闸蟹、牛肉 SAME SAME!!!!

最喜欢的歌手：邓丽君、甄妮

嗜好：运动

籍贯：浙江宁波

He is so charming, handsome, man!!!! AHHHH!!!! He is my type of man lor.

See! So handsome! Ah! I faint liao.

I am very happy and glad today. Bought my very 1st digital camera. I know I sound rather silly and I am 29 years old already, but I was a struggling freelancer for years and I finally can afford to buy the things I like and want. Panasonic F55 Lumix in redish, rouge colour, $499/nett. The feeling is the same when I first bought my LG portable DVD player. Next is a laptop, budget is less than $2k.

Mum cooking dinner now, be having campbell soup, sandwiches and MY FAVOURITE -- MUSSELS.

Lalalalala...

Monday onwards, be very busy with drama. Have to do alot of stuffs, Saturaday will be the first day filming. Alot of things to be confirm.

Am glad that the operation went well and smooth for my granny. She did the operation at 630pm and it was done at 10pm. Going to visit her later. During the course of granny's stay in the hospital, I don't know scolded how many nurses and called how many times. Which the last time I canlled the hospital last night, the nurse recognise my voice and even know who I am.

Its a government hospital but they still don't have a system yet. They are still so dis-organise. Oh well... granny going to be transfer to Bright Visions Hospital to stay soon. I believe everything will be better there, cos I went there for filming before and the nurses are all very friendly.

Updates

Been awhile since I last blog, nothing much to update. Done helping with Kallang Roar, moved in and rather settled down in new office which only takes me less than half an hour to travel.

Grandma had a fall and she is now in hospital. Her right hip bone came off, might or might not have operation. We are still waiting for the doctor's answer. From TTS, she will be moving on to Bright Vision Hospital to stay till she recovers.

Felt rather sad about it.

Current project got push back to 2 weeks.

Kallang Roar The Movie

Went for a briefing for Kallang Roar The Movie today at 430pm. Agreed to help Kai Li in her 1st movie where she is the Project Manager. So happy for her, my 小妹 very 1st movie. She did a great job I can proudly say. I find that she is doing a even better job than me, I will sucks at it should I do it. She handle it rather well and she did a great job in briefing and organising.

Will be helping her on 29th Feb (430pm-1am) and 1st March (5pm-3am). I even manage to get Jeremy to help on 29th, waiting for Victor to agree to help up also. Got my younger brother to work also as one of the usher. A chance to let him knows all the hard works that we have to put in in order to make a good show.

So, I will be rather pack next week. Mon got to start to pack and tidy stuffs to move to new office. 27th and 28th will be moving office days. Then 29th morning, have to tidy new office and then go over to Kai Li's shoot.

Oh ya! 1st March, there be a press confrence for Kallang Roar The Movie. Rather excited about it. Hope that my brother, Victor and me can manage to attend.

KALLANG ROAR THE MOVIE SHOULD BE OUT IN THE CINEMA IN AUGUST. PLEASE DO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT.

Updates

Been sometimes since I last blog, nothing much to update and blog about. Straight after Chinese New Year break, the new intern reports to work. So far, she has not shown me anything yet for the new project, so not sure how far and what she can do. At least I don't have to go MediaCorp again to hand in tapes.

I am more relax now, with the intern finding sponsors and locations. Then the AD doing the master rundowns and locations breakdowns. I just have to concentrate on the auditions and schedules for filming.

Going to play pool tonight with my AD. At least something to do instead of just going home straight after work everyday.

Moving office on 27th and 28th, last day at old office on 28th.

Manjong

I am finally doing something fun yesterday, for the festive seasons. Met up with Victor and Jeremy at 3pm for KTV, after which went to Jeremy's house and collect the car. Together we travelled down to Choa Chu Kang, Jeremy's friend's house. Left rather quick, cos the 3 of us had to go over to Gillian's house.

At Gillian's house, at first we watch afew short films by Jeremy and Gillian. After that, I got drag into playing manjong. After afew games, and having a great tutor--Sharon Wong, I decided that I STILL DON"T LIKE MANJONG. Hahahaha.....

Now, am waiting for Jeremy to come fetch me to go Michael's house.

Happy Chinese New Year

Happy Chinese New Year to anyone who read this.

This year has been a rather boring festive seasons for ma again.

1st day: relatives came over, played blackjack then the adults play manjong after that.
2nd day: TODAY. Went to grandma's house, which this time I have to give red packets, cos parents say that I am earning now, and grandma side all not working. Then went to a relative's house. Now, my father side relative came over and play manjong.
Tomorrow: should be doing nothing. Might or might not join Jason and Weiming at night.
Sunday: going to Michael's house for visiting at 2pm.

Start work on Monday liao. Like not rest enough ler. Cos these few days also got to wake up early. Got to work on full force when Monday starts, new drama starting really soon in March. Alot to be done. Bless me my friends.

What's Your Personality Type?

You Are An ISFP

The Artist
You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.

In love, you are quiet and sweet yet very passionate. You love easily.You have an underlying love for all living things, and it's easy for you to accept someone into your heart.

At work, you do best in an unconventional position. You express yourself well and can work with almost anyone.You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

How you see yourself: Sympathetic, kind, and communicative

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, insecure, and overly sensitive

谈恋爱

我好想谈恋爱啊！已经很久没有恋爱的感觉了，不知道下一个他什么时候会出现。

为什么会这样？

我又哭了。到底发生了什么事？我疯了！已经分手了一年七个月，可是我还是很想他。想知道他现在到底过的好不好，现在变得什么样子，是胖了还是瘦了，现在做什么公，是否还是喜欢吃同样的食物，是否还是喜欢听那首歌，是否还是喜欢穿那件衣服，是否。。。

我真的很累，我想他想的好累，我不知道还要这样到什么时候。好讨厌这样的自己，这样的我。朋友都说我会找到一个更好的，可是我还要等到什么时候？等多久？我只是一个普通的女人，只想找个人来爱，来疼。

这样的等待是个折磨，是很痛苦。我的心在流血，已经慢慢没感觉了。我的泪已经满的可以装满一个杯了。我好无力。真的好想死去，一了百了。