Thanks!

Another Valentine's Day has passed. Staying at home the whole of yesterday was killing for me. Surfing internet, chatting with friends on MSN and watching TV programmes. Afew friends sent me sms and call me to wish me Valentine's Day, touched my heart. Thank you my friends!

Roller credits:

Jeremy - Thanks for your sms
Donovan - Thanks for remembering me through your sms
AkBar - Thanks for sms, MSN chat and call to invite me out with your friends
Simon - Thanks for remembering to call me to wish me on your way home
Hansol - Thanks for calling me all the way from Korea
Victor - Thanks for entertaining me on MSN even when you are so busy
Sharon - Thanks for checking on me, asking me how am I. You are such a diva darling
Eric - Thanks for entertaining me on MSN also when you are so busy with works and had such late dinner

And so the credits ends here

I really hope that I don't have to spend another Valentine's Day alone again. In case any of you, my dear friends, don't know how to leave me a note. Just go to comments and clink on it, then it will open a new window, then you can leave me comments liao.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day! It's Vday today and I got no date.

14th Feb 2006, I was working during the daytime then at night went on date with my then boyfriend.

14th Feb 2007, I am at home, writing in my blog. Lonely, miserable, sad and heart is bleeding.

Almost everyone I know are all having a great partner and are in a great relationships. Happy for them but ...

I really don't know how to go through these lonely days. Don't know how many more lonely days I have to go through.

I am just a ugly, short, tan, no figure, simple woman hoping to find someone I can depend on. Someone I can love. Someone who can pamper me. Someone I can spend the rest of my life with. Someone whom I can say "I Love You" to. Someone who can make my heart skips. Someone who can make me blush.

Waiting ... The waiting game is killing me ... How long more do I have to wait?

Boring Saturday

Yesterday, met up with Angeline at 5pm to go Bugis Village. Then went to eat dinner at Mos Burger at Bugis Junction. Chat for awhile, then she has to leave to meet her other friends at 9pm.

Prince happen to be in office working, so met up with him after Angeline left. Oh my god! It's a mistake, I shouldn't have meet him. He brings me to his office, which I felt super uncomfortable. There are like 5 Africans in the office lor, including him. Just sit in his office for about 5mins, he brings me to the coffee shop nearby. Chat for about 30mins then I finally escape.

It's not that I hate him or what, but it's just that we can't seems to communicate. The only language, English, seems so difficult for him. Talking to him, I have to use basic English and it's like I am back teaching in my pre-school classes.

It's Sunday and I am stuck at home. Sian ah! So boring!

Plans for CNY?

It's CNY next week already, how time flies. I have been living in this earth for 28 years already and I am still single, still searching for my Mr Right to sweep me from the floor. Waiting for him to take me away from singlehood. Waiting...

Will be so bored during CNY. Mum not cooking for this year CNY eve, for the first time. Might be ordering delivery or going out to eat. CNY 1st day, we will have cathering at home. Invited ex-neighbours from Selegie Road to our house for gathering. CNY 2nd day, should be going to grandma's house. Same old thing. So friends who read this blog, should there be any plans to go out, don't forget me hor. Oh ya! Should any of you don't have any plans on CNY 1st day, you are invited to my house also.

Just heard from Hansol that he most likely will be in Spore on 7th March.

Starting from tonight, every Thursday, 830pm on channel 8, do catch "Qin Ben Jia Ren". One of my favourite kid, Coeway, very 1st Mandarin sitcom.

Starting projects soon

Finally! I got a call asking me to start work on 21st Feb. At last! I don't have to stay at home, doing nothing. I be doing sitcom and maybe a drama. The production company is booking me till Aug for their projects. In case you all are wondering which company I am going to cos I have been to quite afew interviews, I will be working for DreamForest, the English department. The PM for the 2 projects seems like a rather nice lady whom I can talk and work with. Well, can only hope for the best.

Let's hope that I will busy until I don't have to think about other things and issues. I want to stop and cure my depressions. Feb is also a month that my Korean friend, Hansol will be coming to Singapore.

I also hope to introduce Victor and Donovan into DreamForest, let them act in 1 of their projects.

Can't wait to start work.

Meeting up

Yesterday was a day to meet up with friends that I have not seen for a very long time.

Met up with Jennifer at Jurong Point at 230pm which I was late, reach only at 3pm. Known her when I was working in Goldheart which she helped me alot and was my closest friend then. Glad to know that she is getting ROM on 27th Feb. She invited me, hopefully that I am free to turn up.

Piao from DreamForest told me that they will be getting me in as their 1st AD for their sitcome and drama. Will be starting work after CNY, so scare it might crashed with Jennifer's ROM, whuch will be on Tue at 1130am. The ROM is held at The Chervons at Jurong East, so it a very long distance from DreamForest at Prinscep Street.

After meeting Jennifer, parted with her at 6pm. Afterwhich I travel down to Shaw Lido, to meet Garry at 745pm. This time round, I am not late. He turns up late, reach only at 815pm. The last time I met Garry was in 1996. Wow! Super long time ago! We went to have our dinner at Crystal Jade (he treats) then went to watch movie, ".45"

".45" is such a stupid movie, not my style. No story plots and the whole dialogues are full of the words "fuck", "cock" etc. Movie ended at 1130pm, which I went straight home. Need to save money, so have to catch 105 bus.

Can't wait to start work at DreamForest. Wondering who will be my Director, 2nd AD and intern.

CNY

CNY is approaching and I hate it. I hate festive seasons. I hate it when I have to spend it without any boyfriend.

Photo taken on the last day of Kai Li's FYP. Let's see if I still remember their name. From left to right (1st row): Kai Li, Renyin, Qinyi, Yizhuang. (2nd row): ???, Fish, Me, Leslie (Ngee Ann), Alan (Ngee Ann).

Needs............

Been to quite afew interviews lately, so far no reply yet, except for one company. Ask me to be their location researcher, although the rate isn't bad but still I not really okay as researcher yet. It's not my comfortable zone as to speak. So I reject the offer but hopefully the company will keep me in mind should they need AD lor. Hoping to do AD for the feature film I went interview for. The interview I went this morning for the sitcome and drama isn't bad too. At least the company people know of lor.

Filmat36 been calling me asking me when can I start work... have been delaying and delaying... cos I wana try and do other company. *cross my fingers* hope 1 of the company call me 1st lor.

I really wana start work soon, so I will not think of other issues and stop my depressions fast. I need to have income coming in also. Have not given parents this month allowance and CNY money yet. Have to find money to pay for CNY buffet. Have to pay X.A money. Have to pay handphone bill. Shit!

I need motivation! I need love! I need someone to pamper me! I need friends! I need money! I need to find myself back! I need to stop hating myself!

Life

Have been bored with nothing to do at home since Kai Li FYP ended. Beside going for jobs interviews, film meetings, Jeremy's meetings my life is very boring and dying. Met up with Zavier and went to watch him play hockey which isn't the official plan but well... long story.

Last night, dad went crazy again. Came home drunk and start yelling at everyone. Really sick of this home, this family.

I find my life dying. I see no motivation in everything I do. I have no friends, no boyfriend to love me, no career to speak of, no money, no goal... NIL! NOTHING! ZERO!

I have to put on a smiling face everytime I go out, cos people only like you when you smile often. They say I look happy, but they don't know that my smile is very forceful and not from my heart. My smile is very PR and fake. My laughter and cheerfulness is all fake and force out. I don't know how to keep myself going anymore. I have live on this earth for 28 years and I am still a loser, a nothing...

I am scare. Scare that I will have to live alone by myself when old. Scare that I don't even have the money to buy myself a coffin. Scare that I will die with regrets.

Used to have so many goals and dreams which I don't know that I can fulfill or not.

I HATE MYSELF!

Sian Ah!

I am so bored! Got nothing to do! No one asks me out! Everyone is so busy except me. Where are all my friends?

No projects, no income, no life, no one to love me, no one to ask me out............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I SHOULD BE BETTER OFF DIED. MY HEART IS DEAD. MY BRAIN IS DEAD. MY BODY IS DEAD. I SEE NO POINT IN LIVING ANYMORE. FORCING MYSELF TO SMILE IS KILLING ME.

NTU FYP Wrap

Its a wrap for Kai Li's FYP on 6th at 9pm. After 2 weeks of filming and long hours, it's done. Can't wait to see the final product.

Will be getting ready for Jeremy SH, filming in end Feb. Other than that, I got nothing to do liao. Boredom again. Got to find new projects fast.

Tiring week

Had a rather tiring but quite fullfilling weeks. 26th Dec'06 onwards, went to help in Kai Li's FYP. She has a great team with great team spirits. Everyone is willing to learn and do things. Kai Li has been having depressions during this filming periods. I don't know what I can do for her, so can only give her my listening ears and share with her what I had experienced through. Really wish that she can break through her walls and learn to take things easy.

That week was also involved in the feature film meeting, everything is going smoothly and great and according to plans. Am really very excited about the feature film.

Received a call from Filmat36 today checking about my schedule this month.Well, have to see the rates they can give me then I decide if I wana do or not.

Jeremy's SH might be postphone to Feb or March cos this month keep raining. Might be good idea also, cos I am rather tired and drain out from doing Kai Li's FYP.

Spent my New Year eve with B, he gave me flowers and a big poor bear. Really touch my heart.

Oh yeah... the photo I took at Donovan's office opening




I really like the dress I worn that day. Hope my friends who read my blog likes it too.

Wishes for the 2007

1. More jobs = more incomes
2. Become more beautiful (heehee)
3. Learn more things about filming
4. Direct my own stuffs
5. Peace and happiness to everyone around me
6. MOST IMPORTANT... FIND MY MR RIGHT

What's going on with my life?

Donovan is sick, has food poisoning. He says maybe it's got to do with his father food. He has sore throat too. Hope he is feeling okay.

Daniel is sick too. He has been working too hard this whole month that he don't have enough sleep and rest. The weather is bad too, maybe he is caught in the rain.

When Ellery's house last Friday, mention in previous blog that I known this new guy call Zavier. Did somthing that more than a friend will do. I feel bad but not that totally bad. Oh my god!

When out with last night with XXXXX. At first meet up just want to play pool and catch a movie. In the end, we went to eat at TCC, then went to play pool, then went to drink. Which in the end..... Oh my god!

This morning, Donovan call me up and asks me if did I went out with XXXXX. He isn't happy about it. He never mention why but he just tell me and make me promise him that I will not go out with him again. Haiz... What is going on to my life? Why has life become so complicated? If you don't want me to go out with others, then shouldn't you spend more time with me? Although I look super independant and capable but I am just a normal woman who needs company and someone to love. Why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong that deserve this type of life? I am going crazy! I really hate myself! No one seems to understand my inner feelings at all. My heart is dead. It has stop beating for rather long time already. I am actually dead. My heart, my brain, all my nerve systems are dead. No one seems to be able to save me anymore. I don't even know if I want to be save or not. I am very sick of my life. Wish that any accident can happen to me and just let me go. Living is hell to me. All the guys I know seems to be wrong. All my relationships seems to go wrong. Don has a partner. Daniel is separted and blowing hot and cold towards me. Zavier... I don't know. XXXXX has a partner also. God! Why are you doing this to me?! Nothing seems to go right for me at all. Can you stop torturing me and just let me die. Just let me go. Please...

Body aching

Went to Ellery's house for the party he held. People I know like Wan Ping, Rosa, Jeremy, Glenn, Lyn, Jesz, Gillian... were there. Get to know alot of people not from this industries also. Unfortunatly, it rain twice. So we were like carrying everything up and down the BBQ pit and carway twice. I was in my skirt and heels lor, so although I wana carry alot but I have to limit myself.

Never eat much, cos as those who know my pattern, I don't wana eat too much in party whereby I am afraid the others willnot have enough to eat. Moreover, I eat rather ugly and unglam, so don't wana let others see. So to cure my hunger, I keep drinking lor. Keep drinking with a new-found friend, Zavier. A rather cute and fair guy.

Then the security guard and police came, all of us move to Ellery's house. I played computer games until 3am.

Woke up at 8am, Daniel sms me that he is sick so can't meet me today. Rather disappointed and sad but well... his health is more important. After sms-ing, I went back to sleep again and woke at 2pm. Whole body is aching. Actually, my legs and arms ache the most. Don't know why. Seems like I have been to the gym the whole of yesterday like that.

Haiz... Don't know when can meet Daniel again. He is so busy.

Wonderful day

Had such a rush Wednesday and Thursday. Got a call from Don on Wed morning inviting me to his office opening on Thur afternoon. Actually I plan to do some shopping and personal stuffs on Thur afternoon before my dinner appointment at night, So plans changes.

On Wed, I went to did Xmas shopping for then did my nails then did my hair. So by the time I reach home, I was rather tired. Maybe I sit too long when I did my hair or I shopped too much (I hate shopping by the way).

Woke up at 9am on yesterday, sms with Daniel. Then prepare to go to Don's office. Stayed there untill 7pm, afterwhich I went to meet Angeline at 730pm. She was late, as usual. Reach Daniel's restaurant at 830pm. He was so gentle, nice, loving, caring, shy, soft-spoken.... He is just too great! Hahahaha.... Angeline asks me if I am finally going to fall in love again after my last sadness. I am not sure. Really depend on fate.

Have been always sms-ing with Daniel everyday. Lets just leave it to fate.

Got another dinner appointment tonight at 830pm then Angeline's friend, Tommy, asks me out (with Angeline around of course). Meeting Daniel tomorrow. Daniel took the photos for us. He says my dress is rather translucent but Angeline says its okay.

Any date for me?

X'mas is appraching, only 4 more days. Will there be anyone celebrating with me? Got to know this Italian guy, have been sms-ing. Quite a nice guy. Will anything happen to our relationship? I don't know. Leave it to fate. This is the Italian guy, Daniel. Photo rather blur.
Here's another one.

Then got to know another foreigner from Africa, name Prince Hart. No photos of him. Also a rather nice guy but have hard time communicating with Prince. His English isn't good and I can't speak his language, so we have to use sign and hand language most of the time.

Sharon and Victor was teasing me about the guys from different countries chasing me. Hahahaha.... I am not popular nor pretty. Just that I don' know why, that's all. Sharon asks me to get married fast. Hahahaha...

I just want simple love, am a simple woman to start with. Bless me my friends.

Festive Seasona

It's getting nearer and nearer to Dec festive seasons, X'mas & New Year. It's suppose to be joyous and happy but how can I when I know that I am going to be alone. Friends will be celebrating with their loved ones and family. As for me, I have no party to attend, no one invite me out yet. Feel so lonely and sad. Wishing for the special someone to celebrate with me. It's been rather long time since I last feel the happiness of love and being pamper.

Is there anyone out there, who loves me and is going to spend the rest of my life with me?

I really need love and being pamper. However, my feelings now is more to leave it to fate. I can't force love to happen. If it's meant to me mine, it will be mine.

Freelance

It's official! I am back to doing freelance again starting from today. So friends and colleagues who read this blog, please do keep me in mind should you have any projects for me to do. I need the income and I need to work again. Have been sending resumes and sms out... *cross my fingers*

On un-paid leave

Just talk to female boss, since I got nothing to do in office, i might as well go on leave untill the projects are more fix. No point in me coming to office, play computer games untill it's time to go home or lunch. Then sometimes, the male boss gets hot temper over very small issues. Don't wana stay in office and listen to him scolding his wife or even worse, I kana scolded for no reasons.

Just as well, so I be working untill 6th, this Wed. Meanwhile, I be looking out for other projects to do. If other projects more stable and confirm, then maybe I will not even do Filmat36 projects at all.

Life has been so boring without any colleagues in office. No smoking kaki, no makan kaki.

Last Fri, met up with Serene. Quite nice and fun kid (I mean she is only 17, so of cos kid lor). Weekend was rather boring and got nothing to do. So sian.

Can't wait to go on leave and start other projects.

Working environment

It's was Jim's last day yesterday, he is happy and glad, I am sad and disapppointed and lonely. Am without any colleague again, have to eat lunch alone, smoke alone, no one to gossipe with me. Male boss is getting more and more irrating and I am so piss of him. I thought I am the only one, Jim can't stand him also, which is why he is so glad to leave the company. I am urgently finding another project to fall back on so that I can leave by giving a weeks notice.

All the things and paperworks I did are so simple and easy to read, just don't understand why he keep saying "I don't understand", "I don't know how to read", "I don;t know how to see". Either he is stupid or he wasted his 20 over years not improving at all. The paperworks I did, everyone who work with me before all understand and know how to read. What is he problem man?!

I really need to leave the company soon and go back and do freelance again. Just can't stand people who is so full of themselves and never improve.

Ahhhhh... am so lonely in office... so sick of facing the husband and wife bosses... I want to leave the company and start to breathe again...