Tiring week

Had a rather tiring but quite fullfilling weeks. 26th Dec'06 onwards, went to help in Kai Li's FYP. She has a great team with great team spirits. Everyone is willing to learn and do things. Kai Li has been having depressions during this filming periods. I don't know what I can do for her, so can only give her my listening ears and share with her what I had experienced through. Really wish that she can break through her walls and learn to take things easy.

That week was also involved in the feature film meeting, everything is going smoothly and great and according to plans. Am really very excited about the feature film.

Received a call from Filmat36 today checking about my schedule this month.Well, have to see the rates they can give me then I decide if I wana do or not.

Jeremy's SH might be postphone to Feb or March cos this month keep raining. Might be good idea also, cos I am rather tired and drain out from doing Kai Li's FYP.

Spent my New Year eve with B, he gave me flowers and a big poor bear. Really touch my heart.

Oh yeah... the photo I took at Donovan's office opening




I really like the dress I worn that day. Hope my friends who read my blog likes it too.

Wishes for the 2007

1. More jobs = more incomes
2. Become more beautiful (heehee)
3. Learn more things about filming
4. Direct my own stuffs
5. Peace and happiness to everyone around me
6. MOST IMPORTANT... FIND MY MR RIGHT

What's going on with my life?

Donovan is sick, has food poisoning. He says maybe it's got to do with his father food. He has sore throat too. Hope he is feeling okay.

Daniel is sick too. He has been working too hard this whole month that he don't have enough sleep and rest. The weather is bad too, maybe he is caught in the rain.

When Ellery's house last Friday, mention in previous blog that I known this new guy call Zavier. Did somthing that more than a friend will do. I feel bad but not that totally bad. Oh my god!

When out with last night with XXXXX. At first meet up just want to play pool and catch a movie. In the end, we went to eat at TCC, then went to play pool, then went to drink. Which in the end..... Oh my god!

This morning, Donovan call me up and asks me if did I went out with XXXXX. He isn't happy about it. He never mention why but he just tell me and make me promise him that I will not go out with him again. Haiz... What is going on to my life? Why has life become so complicated? If you don't want me to go out with others, then shouldn't you spend more time with me? Although I look super independant and capable but I am just a normal woman who needs company and someone to love. Why are you doing this to me? What have I done wrong that deserve this type of life? I am going crazy! I really hate myself! No one seems to understand my inner feelings at all. My heart is dead. It has stop beating for rather long time already. I am actually dead. My heart, my brain, all my nerve systems are dead. No one seems to be able to save me anymore. I don't even know if I want to be save or not. I am very sick of my life. Wish that any accident can happen to me and just let me go. Living is hell to me. All the guys I know seems to be wrong. All my relationships seems to go wrong. Don has a partner. Daniel is separted and blowing hot and cold towards me. Zavier... I don't know. XXXXX has a partner also. God! Why are you doing this to me?! Nothing seems to go right for me at all. Can you stop torturing me and just let me die. Just let me go. Please...

Body aching

Went to Ellery's house for the party he held. People I know like Wan Ping, Rosa, Jeremy, Glenn, Lyn, Jesz, Gillian... were there. Get to know alot of people not from this industries also. Unfortunatly, it rain twice. So we were like carrying everything up and down the BBQ pit and carway twice. I was in my skirt and heels lor, so although I wana carry alot but I have to limit myself.

Never eat much, cos as those who know my pattern, I don't wana eat too much in party whereby I am afraid the others willnot have enough to eat. Moreover, I eat rather ugly and unglam, so don't wana let others see. So to cure my hunger, I keep drinking lor. Keep drinking with a new-found friend, Zavier. A rather cute and fair guy.

Then the security guard and police came, all of us move to Ellery's house. I played computer games until 3am.

Woke up at 8am, Daniel sms me that he is sick so can't meet me today. Rather disappointed and sad but well... his health is more important. After sms-ing, I went back to sleep again and woke at 2pm. Whole body is aching. Actually, my legs and arms ache the most. Don't know why. Seems like I have been to the gym the whole of yesterday like that.

Haiz... Don't know when can meet Daniel again. He is so busy.

Wonderful day

Had such a rush Wednesday and Thursday. Got a call from Don on Wed morning inviting me to his office opening on Thur afternoon. Actually I plan to do some shopping and personal stuffs on Thur afternoon before my dinner appointment at night, So plans changes.

On Wed, I went to did Xmas shopping for then did my nails then did my hair. So by the time I reach home, I was rather tired. Maybe I sit too long when I did my hair or I shopped too much (I hate shopping by the way).

Woke up at 9am on yesterday, sms with Daniel. Then prepare to go to Don's office. Stayed there untill 7pm, afterwhich I went to meet Angeline at 730pm. She was late, as usual. Reach Daniel's restaurant at 830pm. He was so gentle, nice, loving, caring, shy, soft-spoken.... He is just too great! Hahahaha.... Angeline asks me if I am finally going to fall in love again after my last sadness. I am not sure. Really depend on fate.

Have been always sms-ing with Daniel everyday. Lets just leave it to fate.

Got another dinner appointment tonight at 830pm then Angeline's friend, Tommy, asks me out (with Angeline around of course). Meeting Daniel tomorrow. Daniel took the photos for us. He says my dress is rather translucent but Angeline says its okay.

Any date for me?

X'mas is appraching, only 4 more days. Will there be anyone celebrating with me? Got to know this Italian guy, have been sms-ing. Quite a nice guy. Will anything happen to our relationship? I don't know. Leave it to fate. This is the Italian guy, Daniel. Photo rather blur.
Here's another one.

Then got to know another foreigner from Africa, name Prince Hart. No photos of him. Also a rather nice guy but have hard time communicating with Prince. His English isn't good and I can't speak his language, so we have to use sign and hand language most of the time.

Sharon and Victor was teasing me about the guys from different countries chasing me. Hahahaha.... I am not popular nor pretty. Just that I don' know why, that's all. Sharon asks me to get married fast. Hahahaha...

I just want simple love, am a simple woman to start with. Bless me my friends.

Festive Seasona

It's getting nearer and nearer to Dec festive seasons, X'mas & New Year. It's suppose to be joyous and happy but how can I when I know that I am going to be alone. Friends will be celebrating with their loved ones and family. As for me, I have no party to attend, no one invite me out yet. Feel so lonely and sad. Wishing for the special someone to celebrate with me. It's been rather long time since I last feel the happiness of love and being pamper.

Is there anyone out there, who loves me and is going to spend the rest of my life with me?

I really need love and being pamper. However, my feelings now is more to leave it to fate. I can't force love to happen. If it's meant to me mine, it will be mine.

Freelance

It's official! I am back to doing freelance again starting from today. So friends and colleagues who read this blog, please do keep me in mind should you have any projects for me to do. I need the income and I need to work again. Have been sending resumes and sms out... *cross my fingers*

On un-paid leave

Just talk to female boss, since I got nothing to do in office, i might as well go on leave untill the projects are more fix. No point in me coming to office, play computer games untill it's time to go home or lunch. Then sometimes, the male boss gets hot temper over very small issues. Don't wana stay in office and listen to him scolding his wife or even worse, I kana scolded for no reasons.

Just as well, so I be working untill 6th, this Wed. Meanwhile, I be looking out for other projects to do. If other projects more stable and confirm, then maybe I will not even do Filmat36 projects at all.

Life has been so boring without any colleagues in office. No smoking kaki, no makan kaki.

Last Fri, met up with Serene. Quite nice and fun kid (I mean she is only 17, so of cos kid lor). Weekend was rather boring and got nothing to do. So sian.

Can't wait to go on leave and start other projects.

Working environment

It's was Jim's last day yesterday, he is happy and glad, I am sad and disapppointed and lonely. Am without any colleague again, have to eat lunch alone, smoke alone, no one to gossipe with me. Male boss is getting more and more irrating and I am so piss of him. I thought I am the only one, Jim can't stand him also, which is why he is so glad to leave the company. I am urgently finding another project to fall back on so that I can leave by giving a weeks notice.

All the things and paperworks I did are so simple and easy to read, just don't understand why he keep saying "I don't understand", "I don't know how to read", "I don;t know how to see". Either he is stupid or he wasted his 20 over years not improving at all. The paperworks I did, everyone who work with me before all understand and know how to read. What is he problem man?!

I really need to leave the company soon and go back and do freelance again. Just can't stand people who is so full of themselves and never improve.

Ahhhhh... am so lonely in office... so sick of facing the husband and wife bosses... I want to leave the company and start to breathe again...

Boredom

Am so bored! Died of boredom soon. It's Friday, both bosses are overseas, Assistant not in office (locations sourcing by right), so I am all alone in office since 11am. Actually, I can don't bother to come in but in case bosses call to spot check or something, I'm not in, then I kana liao.

Finally watch "Cabaret", a rather nice and enjoying musicial show, which makes me look forward to the one Ellery, Emida and me are preparing.

Have not really start on my short film amendment script yet after talking with Ellery and Sharon that night. Don't really know how and where to start. This always happen to me. Sian ah.

Helping up with Ngee Ann Poly and NTU FYP (foc again). Donovan is so stress up with Ngee Ann script cos he has to speak in Mandarin which he has never acted in Mandarin before. Am helping him with that, really hope that he can gain more confident in speaking in Mandarin so that in future he can act in Chinese show (although I don't like Ch8), in a way he can gain more recognisation for his acting. NTU wants Donovan also but it's rather tiring and no income to do 2 short film within the same month or close to each other.

Jim will be working till 30th Nov, then it will be his last day liao. Cos bosses don't think we can shoot anything in Dec, by Jan Jim is preparing to leave for his overseas studies. I be left alone with no colleagues again in Dec and Jan. It will be so boring and sian to face bosses only everyday. This is sick. Contract till Jan, but should there be project for me in Jan, I will leave in Dec. TVCs and Documentarys just isn't for me. I need to be in action, running about, packed with works. Paper works, co-ordinatings, calling up are just so executive. Am falling sick staying in office everyday, neck and shoulder are aching for facing with the PC for hours. Have to start looking for projects for next year liao, so that I can leave in Dec.

Still praying hard that I can start filming my short film by March... maybe by June lar...

It's been almost 5 months since I broke off... feel so lonely... feel that life has no meaning for me... when will my Mr Right comes and sweep me off my feet? Where are you my dear? I wana hug and kiss you my dear. I really need someone to love me, pamper me, clean my tears away, be with me, by my side. Haiz... am I going to spend Dec festive alone again? Without any boyfriend? I have been through those period, am really scare of the feeling. Why is all this feelings coming to me? Why? Can anyone give me an answer?

Bored and sad

Well... getting more and more impatient of current company. Sign a 3 months contract with them instead of fulltime, cos they can't agree on my rate.

Nicholas is coming back on Sat, 18th. Long time never see him liao. Wonder if he has put on weight or lost weight. Will be auditioning him on Mon, then go for dinner. Can't wait to see my long time buddy.

I am so tired... am so bored... friends always not free... am getting more and more forgetful... so sian...

Kai Li told me over msn recently that I am always bossing her arounf on set, I tend to talk like ordering people. I didn't realise that, have to change on that. If not all assistant don't like me liao.

I can't think of ideas for my script, brain very dead. Don't know where to start writting. Am so slow in my script. Can die...

I need motivations... Miss going out with friends... Am someone who is very afraid of loneliness

Updates

Well... just a short recap of what I did last week.

08th: Met up with Victor to discuss script, always have fun meeting him. He is so chatty and so full of ideas. Went Marina Square and eat, which I forgot the restaurant name. Restaurant rather nice and server rather good too.

09th: Met Sharon at City Hall, had dinner then chat until Ellery joins. Afterwhich, we went Arab Street, they bring me to this place that I will never go alone to smoke this pipe tinky that I forgot what's its called. I don't really like it so I only smoke 2 puffs. Showed them my script, alot of comments and changes. :( Need to rewrite again.

10th: Met up with Jeremy at PS and had dinner at a Japanese restaurant. Afterwhich, we went for a drink at Room Full Of Blues at Prinsep Street. Order a jug only cos he can't drink much, so sian lor. Actually, I wanted to wait till Ellery and Sharon joined us after their lan game but Jeremy is so tired that he just wana go home. So we left lor, I will not want to be alone in the pub and wait lor. Felt rather bored and still wana drink so more, so called Daniel (who is still awake) and went to his house and drink, chat, play poker cards. Stay on till 6am then go home.

11th: Gillian's birthday. Went to eat at Swensen beside Paragon. People I know who turn up are: Ellery, Sharon, Jeremy, Glenn, Jim and Amanda. Over 20 people turn up for her birthday. Wow! We surprise Gillian by giving her a cake (which is as hard as a rock) while she is eating half way. She almost cried. After that, went pub with Ellery, Sharon and Glenn. Nothing much happen cos I don't really know the other half of the group who are there. So I just sit with Sharon, who is protecting me and taking care of me like an angel. Hahahaha...... Ellery sent me home after that, so nice of him.

13th: Should have gone for locations sourcing, but it rain when I just reach the first location. Worse thing is, I fell and sprain my right leg. So unlucky. Then I just go home and never go out liao cos I got fever suddently also.

I think that I sort of repeat myself in the updates. Did I? Forgot liao. Aiyo... getting old liao... keeping forgetting things and issues.

Company got another project in which as usual, I am involve. Have talk to lady boss today, decide to go for another 3 months contract cos they can't pay me the rate for full time. So until 12th Feb lor. Well... at least don't have to worry about finding projects every month lor.

I need a life. I need friends to company me. I need boyfriend (as in normal relationship). Donovan got his very first Mandarin short film and he is not sure if he should take up or not, cos he is not confident about the language.

Am still dreaming about my holiday trip to HK or Taiwan. Anyone interested in going?

Back to basic

This week goes rather fast, busy with full time works and outside works. Met up with Victor on Wed and discuss script, yesterday showed Ellery and Sharon my script. Not very good.

Ellery says that I need to do more research, watch more movies, script need to have a stronger theme, characters need to have difference.... He comments alot, the main point is that my script not good enough to be even summit for grant.

Rather sad after hearing, but am glad that I showed him. Ellery is very helpful and nice. He shares with me alot of details, give me pointers, guide me. Ellery and Sharon are both wonderful couple and as friends.

Okay, it's now back to basic for me. Have to go back to orginial storyboard. Hope to think of something during the weekend. Cos in order to get the grant, it's take 2 months to get feedbacks. Have to start from beginning and re-think about how my script and characters going to be like.

About full time works, locations researcher and art director leave the project already. So now, Jim and I have to do the duties which I think by the time Jim leaves, we only did 1 episode lor. I hate doing locations sourcing, it's a shitty and fuck up job. It reminds me of my credit cards days. Walking from place to place, smiling to strangers, sweet talking but professionally in order to get the locations for free... I just hate it.

However, no matter what, I have to do it. Cos I am the ONLY full time staff in the WHOLE FUCKING COMPANY and the bosses always like to compare the previous ones.

Mon, have to locations source in Serangoon (my place area, unfortunately, everyone will know my job liao), Ang Mo Kio, Toa Payoh and Bishan. This is silly.

*Think positively, maybe I manage to get locations? Nah... the most positive I can think of is that I don't have to go back office and can go home early and not wake up at 830am*

Actually now, my main concern is that how to write my script that at least Ellery will approves.

Updates

Well... nothing much happen... Company projects got delay, as per normal... Don't know when can start filming, which I don't wish that it will crash with my other plans...

Met up with Victor and discuss about my short film... he really help me by giving me creative juices and in my broken English. Finally wrote finish my 1st draft yesterday and now it's down to fine tunning. Chat with Rick Tan yesterday, told him about my short film and he shows interest... My idea and shortlisted "Chris"

Then had the very first meeting with Emida and Ellery the other project, lets just name it "60s". We had a great time throwing in ideas and they really can throw in creative ideas very fast. I am so glad to be involve in the project with them, cos I really like working with them and admire their works and attitudes.

Really hope that everything will go well for me and in my career starting this year end.

Jia You wor, Cherlyn!

Multi-taskings

Currently trying to multi-tasks, which is never easy for me cos I tend to lose focus easily. However, I do have some targets I hope to achieve by next year or within 2 years.

Target or wish list:

1. Promote the talents I find promising: Donovan, Hansel, Hansol, Victor
2. Produce a short film with the script writen by myself
3. Be a director for current company, at least direct a corporate video
4. Get to do projects overseas: Malaysia, Hong Kong, Taiwan
5. Find a boyfriend who can be my life-time partner
6. Earn enough money to make my parents not worried about me
7. Go for eye-correction laser
8. Correct my teeth
9. Be more tone
10. Gain more recognisation for my works
    

Some targets are rather hard to do but I will still do what I can to make it happens. I mean, if others can do it, why can't I? Of course, when it come to relationship, I just have to leave it to fate. I can't force a relationship to happen right?

Was talking to Sharon over the phone, she is right about one thing. I am still a little woman at heart. My main wish is to be able to find a life-time partner and be loved and pampered. Don't all woman wish for that too? Which woman wants to work forever? Being pamer and love is such a wonderful thing. Being able to share each other joys and sorrows is such a blessing and loving things.

Well... I just have to wish and hope for miracle to happen for my relationship. As for works, I have to fight for it anf stay focus. Whoever read this... wish me all the best and wish me success ok...

Old kakis

Was chatting with Donovan on the phone till 230am on Sat, then finally went to sleep. Got disturb in my sleep by Nat at first, sms me at 630am to ask me to go Ubin. I never reply, he called me at 11am again. This time he clever, he knows that I will not go, asks Chan and Vincent to talk to me. So in the end, I got no choice lor... Took a bath and travel down to Changi Village in cab. Bought beers and can drinks for them (they paid for it of course!)
Had fun chatting with them, catch up news with them. Miss working with Chan, Nat, TK, Vincent. Felt like a star in the beginning. Passed my mobile to Nat, wants him to take a photo of me and Vincent, then suddently, got 4 more other cameras taking our photo also. Hahahahaha.....
The new AD and intern kept getting scolded by Chan... so poor thing... but yeah, I think that they have to be more alert and productive lor...
First time go Ubin, don't have to work. Hang around and just drink with the crews.
Photos I took

Busy weekend finally

Had a great weekend... finally get to sort of enjoy and at least not bored at home rotting away. Met up with Sharon for dinner then went KTV pub at her friend's work place... her singing is great and she got powerful voice!

Then Hansol (my Korean friend) join us at around 12midnight, after he has check in to his hotel room. But we only meet up for food, then Sharon and I continue to go for our drinking sessions. Hahahaha.... I seems to drink more and more with Sharon around.
Sat, was spent at home, writing my script and doing some personal stuffs.
Sun afternoon, met up with Hansol from Korea. Had lunch at Wheelock Place then accompany him to buy some stuffs.



Afterwhich, went with Jeremy to see his editing.






What a weekend. Shoots got delay as per normal... haiz... I hate it man... Joey call me today to do Ubin BoyII shoots... wish I can do it cos got Chan and Nat and regulars... too bad I can't do it... :(

Updates

Went out with Donovan last Fri night, was rather nice to go out with him. First he came for audition at 7pm, then end at around 8plus. Went to eat dinner, then went to 2 different pubs to drink then last stop at the beach. Things are going rather smoothly between us, hope we can go far from there.

My eyes are badly affected by the haze that even without contact lens, they are painful. That's very bad lor, cos I look better with contact lens. The haze are so bad these days that I think the world is going to die lor.

My mobile phone is going crazy again, now I can only hear the caller when I put on loudspeaker. Which is stupid cos it's mean the whole world can hear my conversation lor. Decide to buy a new mobile phone after I got my pay at the end of the month.

360 finally pay me, after 6 months.

Hansel from Korea will be reaching here on Fri 12midnight, be meeting him over the weekend cos Sun he be flying back.

Tele-movies have been push back and company got another project coming up. Shoot on 31st Oct. I got the schedule plan out liao, nothing much for me to do. I not sure if I be staying in the company for long or not, cos I can't communicate that great with the boss (male) and moreover he will be the director for almost all projects. His ideas are so XXXX that I really can't believe that it can be shoot and don't think that it be nice on screen lor. Don't know lor... see how first.

Ok lar... that's all for the updates....

Weekend enjoyments

Had quite a fun and great weekend. Sat morning went Sentosa beach with Victor and Ignatiusm alothough we did nothing there and got rather bored (for me at least), it's nice to get away from the main city once in awhile. The haze was really bad and terrible that day but we still continue with our outing. After hanging out at the beach for sometime, we went walking around. I bought a new shade cos I lost my orginial one. Went to Vivo City and shop for awhile, I bought a new jacket that's costs $109 after discount. I like the jacket very much and have been dying to buy such design everytime I saw such jacket.

Then at night, meet up with Glenn. Had dinner at Sakai Sushi then bought drinks from 7-11, sit by the staircase and chat till 1130pm to catch the last bus. Glenn is a rather nice and funny person, very easy to communicate with.

Went back to office on Sun to do auditions, afterwhich went out with Sharon. Went to eat at PS, then hang out at TCC for afew hours. Then went to drink near Centrepoint area, Sharon recommended the place. I like the place. It's nice, relaxing, not many people. We ordered 2 bottles of red wines. Sharon actually is a nice and chatty person, different from the first time and impressions I had of her when I first met her on set. She can be a advisor and guidance with her years of experiences. We had so much fun talking and drinking. Part at 4am, then I decided to report mc at work today. Too tired and lazy to travel to work. Slept till 5pm then got woke by mum to wake up and eat.

Long time never felt so relax and drink so much liao. But spent too much money for the weekend, need to spend my money wisely before I get my pay at the end of the month, that's 22 more days to go. Haiz... Need to eat cheap foods again...

Long time friend

Met up with Donovan last night after 5 months, he still look as charming and handsome as ever. Business is looking good for him and he has been travelling to KL quite alot for the past few months. Had dinner with him at NYDC, talk to him about asking him down for audition, chat and gossipe about other issues. Then we went to drink orange juice at a coffee joint and chance upon Jim (current 2nd AD). Long time never chat with Donovan and listening to his speech and jokes always makes me laugh and joyful. Chat till late at night, then we share a cab whereby he sent me home first.
It's been quite awhile since I last flirt with another guy, especially someone so charming and handsome. Hahahaha.... Since my last relationship, I am always trying to smile but not from within my heart.
Thought of going to the beach this weekend but not sure if the rest is free or not. I need to release myself, enjoy and relax. I need to breathe properly. Need to find the real Cherlyn back before I turn into someone without any soul.
Can anyone help me?