Some random quiz

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Being Alone While you may act like you don't care on the outside, on the inside your biggest fear is being alone. You can be quite shy and reserved. You feel like a lot of times people don't really see the real you. You're afraid that no one will really truly love you, and that you will be alone for the rest of your life. On the inside you are great person, so just remember that and don't let your shy nature get the best of you! If you don't want to be a lone then you need to make an effort to be with someone. Show the people that you care about that you really love them, and chances are someone will always be there, even if you think they won't.
Where Your life is Going
Death
Commitment
Losing Someone
Looked down on
Disappointment
http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_is_your_true_fear">What is your True Fear? http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

What's Your Best Quality? Your Result: Out-Going Your best quality is out-going! People like you because you are fun to be around and no one ever knows what you will do next. Also you are not afraid to say or do whatever you want.
Intelligence
Loving
Personality
Ambitious
Sense of Humor
What's" Your Best Quality? http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Which Positive Quality Are You? Your Result: Friendship You are Friendship. Friends are those who can be counted upon in times of need. Friends are those who share in your joys and your sorrows. Friendship unites us with others beyond family and brings happiness and comfort to our lives. "Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies."
Love
Peace
Courage
Faith
Charity
http://www.gotoquiz.com/which_positive_quality_are_you">Which Positive Quality Are You? http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Filming starts again

Filming starts tomorrow and I should end around end May after finishing 2 peojects. Was back to work on Wed and alot of stuffs and hipcups happen. I was given alot of heart attacks but lucky everything can be settle.

1st of of shoot tomorrow and there be alot of fighting and a character will be kill off also. Quite happening on the 1st day of filming. After tomorrow filming, then we will have a break of 6 days before the mad rounds of filming continues. The 6 days, we will have to settle remaining props, locations etc. All these to do before Candy takes over from me from 15th onwards. Then I will go over to another project, which will be another hear attack and headache for me.

Happy CNY

It's CNY again, seems like I jst celebrated 2008 CNY and now it's 2009. How time flies. This year CNY will only be 2 days, which I will have to go back to work on the 3rd day and 5th day it's filming already.

I am grateful that I still have works and projects to do in this down period and my rates isn't cut too low.

Anyway, I just hope that I can handle both projects and don't have major screw up.

Sleeping disorder

It's 431am now, got to wake at 745am and I still can't get to sleep. This is serious, I have sleeping problems since my last filming date. Been only manage to fall asleep everyday at around 7am is no joke and it's very serious. I need and hope to solve this problem. Maybe when I start the project again and getting back to work again can solve it. Be getting back to work in around 9 hours time.

I just hope that the bosses keep to their promises and I just hope to work with as less trouble as possible. I am more hoping to work in the 2nd project as promise instead of the 1st one.

Am aiming to get my pay from the travelogue by Wed latest, then I can go for my hair rebonding, give mum allowance for CNY and buy some new clothes at least. Although I don't believe in getting new clothes for CNY, but I am running out of clothes to wear already.

Have afew events and gatherings this month. I just need the money. Ah! Please don't disappoint me.

New projects

Be starting new projects on Monday onwards, should be book till either April or June. However, unsure if it's a good or bad thing though.

The offer that the company give isn't that good, but whatever is the case, at least there is something for me hang on before the big projects starts.

Red Cliff 2

Watched Red Cliff 2 last night, I like the fighting / action scenes. The dialogue parts are rather draggy and I almost fell asleep. The last scene, when Jin Chen Wu and Tony Leung meet at the big grass patch, the top wide shot, I saw their marking, a green gaffer tape. That's funny for a high budget and high class feature film.

After watching, Panda came and meet us (JY, WM and CS) for supper and chat. It was Panda's birthday, so we let him decide on where to go. At first we head to Ah Meng's cafe, but reach at around 1213am, the owner told us that they close at 1am. So we head to the eating place opposite Cineleisure, but the food that Panda wanted to eat, Botak Jones is closed. So finally we head off to the muslim stall along Tiong Bahru which is open 24hrs.

Had so much fun chatting and gossiping with them. We finally decide to part at 5am plus. However, when I reach home, I still can't sleep. That's terrible! I was wide awake until finally get to sleep at around 11am plus. Not sure if should I continue on the sleeping disorder pills or see a doctor and get some sleeping pills.

Tomorrow meeting with the production company boss, hopefully I can secure the project and not having too much rate cut due to budget.

Finally watching Red Cliff 2 today, never watch it on Friday cause no one wana watch.

ST last minute ask me out for dinner on Thur night. We went Bliss at Punggol Park, the food isn't that great. Disappointed at the mussels and escargots. ST and I decided that the next time we come again, we will only drink and don't eat.

Met up with JT on Friday afternoon, he felt abit depress and disappointed due to some work issues. Before we part, receive a call from a company. Boss want to speak to both JT and me about 2 different projects. Maybe got good news.

Had 2 cups of black coffee, that when I got home I vomited. I can't really take black coffee well, so having 2 cups make me punk. Anyway, I took medicine then went out. Went to Heeren to buy Ellery's present before taking a bus down to Concrad Hotel, Oscar, for Ellery's birthday gathering. Quite nice beside the fact that my stomach isn't feeling that well, so never drink at all, just tea. Emida and Juan went also, had fun time chatting with them.

Sat night was spent drinking with AT, TC and JT at Ah Meng's cafe. Had such fun time gossiping and chatting with them. However, I think I drink too fast liao. Woke up at around 6am, vomiting like hell. Lucky no hang over.

Have been staying at home for the past few days, slacking and sleeping late. Actually, have not been able to sleep at night. Either forcing myself to sleep at 7-8am in the morning, waking at 6-7pm or not sleeping at all for days. Like now, I have not sleep for 2 days already. Don't know why but just isn't sleepy at all. Maybe I am so used to the hectic, busy and stressful working lifestyle that suddently been so relax with nothing to do, I am jus not used to it.

Feb project might be gone due to the company re-structure and budget re-work. Hope to find another replacement project soon. Meanwhile, I am chasing back all the payments for 2008 projects. If I can get all payments by this month, I believe I can hold without jobs for afew months. But I know that the longer I slack at home, the more I will go crazy and my parents will sure nag and nag non-stop. Hahaha...

Watching Red Cliff 2 tomorrow, then after that going to Ellery's birthday celebration. At least there is something happening to do to kill time.

2009 First Blog

Happy 2009 Everyone!

This is my very first blog for 2009. Hope everything will be smooth and my wishes will come true.

2009 will be a great year for me and everyone. Let's make 2009 rocks!

Aching body

Did Jacq's weeding yesterday. I can't sleep the night before due to the shoot, cause it's been like almost 2 years since I last did a wedding shoot. Went to collect equipments, then went to buy DV tapes and firewire with Ellery and Sharon. Settle for dinner after buying before heading to Ellery's house to collect the equipments which I also don't know why I put them in his house in the first place.

Anyway, I reach back at his house the next morning at 430am. Filming the wholc time until 1130pm. Burned out and whole body is aching. Carrying the camera for almost like 19 hours with a spotlight mounted onto the camera can be very heavy as time goes by.

Woke up this morning with aching arms, shoulders, back, the whole body.

I think I will avoid doing wedding shoots in future, it's more tiring than filming.

No one asks me out for any countdown tonight, so I guess I be staying at home watching tv and rot ba.

5 more days to 2009. Times really fly fast. How did I celebrate my X'mas you might ask, so I will do a recap for you.

13th: Went to Jason Tai's house for his baby, Ethan Tai, full month gathering. His baby is so cute and Kai Li was saying that when he grow up, he will be very handsome. Jason was complaining about his current project, yet again. Hahaha... then his usual sentence "Cherlyn, you wana come save XXX, since you had saved REM" He is such a joker. Not many industry people went though, thought I can do a great catching up with the rest. Me, Kai Li, Alvin, Derrick & gal, Leslie and Glenn turn up.

After leaving Jason's house, me, Kai Li and Leslie went for dinner at Jurong Point. Watched "Bolt" with Leslie, a terrible show with terrible graphics and animations.

16th: Met up with Candy, Vanessa, Alvin, Felicia, Evan and Grace for gathering and post celebration for Candy's birthday. Alvin is so nice to come pick me up using Candy's dad's car cos of my sprain leg. At least it goes to show that 小弟小妹 still likes me although I am rather fierce and stern. Had our dinner at Marina Square, which Vanessa left after dinner. Went for KTV after dinner which a stupid waitress in KBox did.

Alvin went to order a cake from KBox itself and asked them to bring it in the room after 30 minutes. As I was singing halfway, the waitress came in and asked directly in front of Candy "Can I serve the cake now?" Everyone stoned and blured on the spot. After the waitress left the room to get the cake, I was cursing so much which my 小弟小妹 was laughing. "If she is my PA or something, I will have kick her into the sea liao." was what I said.

Anyway, after singing we went to have roti prata. Evan was so nice to send me home after that.

18th: Went to discuss a project with a production company and collected a cheque from another nearby company. Will be starting a new project on 01st Feb and should end around 19th April. Got Mark in as the project DOP. Long time never see Mark liao, he is still as funny as ever. He sent me home when he see my leg in bandage. So sweet.

22nd: Met Candy at 1pm to watch IP Man. It's a great and excellance movie. I love the fighting scenes and talking scenes. I cried alot of times during the movie. After watching, we went to Vanessa's office. I had to transfer some stuffs to her. After that, Candy and I went to another company. I recommend Candy as the PM for another project which I am glad that she got it.

As I was waiting for Candy, the company bosses ask me in to their office to chat. The chat didn't really turn up great I guess, cause I was telling them about the manpower issues and budget issues. Hahaha... I didn't said it too bluntly though, I keep smiling and joking with them as I "complain". Hahahaha...

After that, I went to meet Donovan for dinner before heading off to a KTV session with him and Victor. Donovan left first, followed by Victor and me.

24th: Met up with Arnold and Candy for dinner before proceeding to Roomfull Of Blues for drinks. Had our countdown there. Arnold paid for everything, so nice and sweet of him. Only afew people turn up. Jason Yun, Arnold's friend Siva. Then Joel and father turn up only after the countdown and had a drink, then leave with Arnold.

That's all for the recap. Will be having a wedding shoot on 30th. Glad that I can finally get busy and get paid also.

As the year 2008 is coming to an end, I starts to recap what have I been doing. Nothing great but had afew projects that I am rather proud of. Done my very first travelogue, been to Bangkok, Tokyo, Ho Chin Minh City and Shanghai for the first time. Done by very first music video. Done a kids drama that won an award.

Work wise, everything has been going rather smoothly.

Love relationship wise, nothing is happening. Hope for my Mr Right to appear but the longer I wait, the more depressing the suitation it becomes. I am not looking for super handsome nor super rich, just someone who loves me and I will love him. Someone who can understands my job and pampers me.

10 more days to Christmas and 16 more days to 2009. Just hope that I can find that special someone to celebrate with me and spend the moment with me. 2009 means I be 30 years old, how many more years do I have to wait, I have no idea.

Seeing friends and couples together always make me envy.

This blog is rather emo I know. Just wana say out my thoughts at this moment. Hasn't been sleeping well for the past few nights. My thoughts are in a mess. However, I wana thank my friends who are always there for me in my darkest moment no matter what happen. Sharon, Ellery and Victor, you guys will always be in my heart and will always be my good friends forever.

REM WON!

The rescults are out for 2008 Asia Television Awards, REM: The Next Generation won this year "Best Children Programme"!

WOW! YAHOO! So happy! Everyone did a great job, all the sweat, pain and sleepless night is worth it. Aaron says he will organise a party to celebrate the win. Oh right!

Uploaded photos

I finally upload my travelogue photos to facebook. Feel free to leave your comments. Will have afew events to attend this week and next week... be limping all the way... But I know that I will recover by 28th cause I have a shoot on 30th. It's all my mind power.

Injured leg

I always have problems with my ankles, now it's worse. I injured myself during the travelogue filming, then when I return I have projects one after another which leaves me no time to see any sinseh.

I finally see the sinseh yesterday morning when I really can't bear with the pain anymore. Sinseh says I got internal injury in the vein and I need to fully rest my leg for at least 1 week or so. Now my left leg is in bandage. The current telemovie I will be stopping it as of today onwards cause I really can't stand for too long and I can't help in the moving of props and run about, so I decided to stop.

Just hope that my leg will recovery soon and in time for the wedding shoot.

Asia Television Awards 2008

I just found out that the kids drama I did "REM - The Next Generation" got nominated for Best Children Programme in 2008 Asia Television Awards. So happy! I am so proud to say that I am very involved in it. I spent sleepless nights over the project. Used up alot of my brain cells for the project. So very involved in it. From the props to locations to episodic castings to budget control etc.

This is the best news I have receive so far for 2008. Cross fingers that it will win the award.

Another new project

Just ended the MV shoot last night, very tired and dead. Sunday filming from 130pm to 230pm, by the time I got home, it was almost 4am. Then woke at 6am for filming from 645am. Am so dead even now. Just went for another meeting in another project, accepted it. Tomorrow call time at 7am, tiring. Lucky I don't have much responsibity for this telemovie. EP says it will wrap on 11th Dec, so will finish filming by next week. I just have to bear with the tiring for 1 week plus and I be done. Hoepfully can rest by then.

Been busy since the very moment I return to Singapore. Current project schedules keep changing everyday that it starts to get on my nerves.

Have wedding shoot next week also, right after my morning filming. Although its been very hectic and busy for me for the past few months or rather 2008, I am rather glad and I must say I am very lucky that I still have so many projects to do in this economy crises period.

My 2009 should be pack and hectic also, have projects line up which I hope that they will go on as plan.

I wish for a break and a holiday soon. Hoping to go back Tokyo, Hong Kong and Shanghai. Shanghai is the place I am aiming to go back to.

Came back to Singapore on 12th Nov at 1015pm, dad came to pick me up from the airport. Ended the 1 month of intense filming and flying of 5 countries. I learnt and experience alot from this project. Doing a travelogue has alot of things to do, to learn, to study and to understand.

Be starting my new project, a short term one on Mon. It's another new experience for me.

Hoping to do more new experience instead of the usual dramas and broadcast stuffs I always do.

Hoping for features to come in.

I am being emo again and depress again. Actually I have been feeing that way since the day I was in Ho Chin Minh City. Not sure when can I recover back, maybe I will stay this way for days or weeks or months... I am not sure and I don't know

Shanghai

It's my 3rd day in Shanghai, touch down on 06th at night. It's freezing cold here! Went to The Bund for filming just now, and I am so cold that I can't even talk clearly. It's 12 degree now, can you imagine how cold is it? Singapore the lowest it goes is only 25 degree. I am going to wear another jacket tomorrow and 2 pair of socks.

My ear are still very cold now. Should I wear my track pants inside my jean? Will decide before I sleep.

Hong Kong

Today is the 2nd day in Hong Kong and we have already change 2 hotels. Last night when we reach the orginial hotel that the fixer got for us, I am so uncomfortable about it. Have to walk into a alley and climb up steps to get to a non-aircon reception area. The the rooms walk way are link to resident homes which anyone can just climb over to our areas.

Now at another hotel, security is slightly better but the rooms are very small and the toilets are pityful. Not much walking non breathing space at all. We have to send the laundry ourselves and every morning I got to find ways to iron the host's clothes. Damn.

Whatever, I just hope to get to Shanghai quick and fast.

Other than the hotel, Hong Kong is bascially much better as compare to other countries I filmed in and that I felt more at home here. I roam around the streets alone in the afternoon and bought some clothes, CD and DVD.

Coming here reminds me of him. That year when we came here.

Last day at Ho Chin Minh City

Am so happy! It's my last day at Ho Chin Minh City and I be out of this terrible country with the terrible traffic. I can't get used to the food, the traffic, the people and the the whole place. It's just not my style.

Will be in Hong Kong tomorrow and I love Hong Kong. Been there once and finally I am back there again. A place where I understand what's everyone talking about and understand their culture. Most importantly, I can eat their food. Alot of my favourite food there. Must have their soup. I miss soup alot.

13 more days and I be back in Singapore. Starts of new projects plus the re-shoot of 1 segment of the Singapore travelogue episode.

Did anyone miss me?

Tokyo

4th day in Tokyo already and leaving in 3 days time to Ho Chin Minh. Love Tokyo, very beautiful and quiet. Streets are very clean and neat, alot of beautiful and handsome people on the streets. Temperature for the past few days are between 19-23 degree, to Tokyo people it's cooling and just nice. To me, it's rather cold. I am already almost freezing every day here, not sure if I can stand the coldness in Shanghai in Nov. Think I will ask WL to prepare some gloves for me, will definetly love to meet him there.

Staying in Kurumi Mansion is okay, the room is rather small on top of the fact that I am sharing with 2 other guys.

I really need a long break when I return back to Singapore. Have not been sleeping enough and well since I left Singapore.

Wondering if anyone miss me back in Singapore...

Tokyo

Today is the last day I will be in Bangkok, be going to Tokyo next. 1130am taking the plane but can only reach at 930pm cause we will have to via Hong Kong first.

Not sure how cold Tokyo will be cause I don't have much clothings with me. Have to carry alot of work stuffs so limit my own personal stuffs.

It's already so cold in the hotel room, I think I will die in Tokyo. I see if I can survive in Tokyo or not then I know if I can make it in Shanghai.

Will update my blog again soon.

Today is the 3rd day of filming in Bangkok, and this is what's been happening to me so far.

14th: Reach company at 930am, leave at 11am. Reach Bangkok at 330pm. Reach hotel at 430pm. Leave for dinner at 530pm. Production meeting with Bangkok fixers at 730pm which the meeting ends at 1230am. Reach back hotel and by the time I slept is almost 2am.

15th: Call time at 6am, which I woke at 5am. Filming around Bangkok which the temperature is terrible and horrible. The traffic is scary and vehicles are going in opposite directions. Wrap at 11pm. By the time I slept after settling emails and claims, it's 1am.

16th: Woke at 5am for 6am call time again. Filming halfway, we got to stop cause the Thai princess come out of the palace. Filming wraps at almost 11pm again. Slept at almost 1am again.

17th: Woke 5am, set off 6am AGAIN. So tiring. Filming at a cafe this afternoon and happen to witness a peace protest which makes up of 1000 people. Lucky nothing happen. Wrap early today at 830pm, but don't know what time I get to sleep tonight. Lucky, call time for tomorrow is 7am instead, 1 hour later than the 3 days.

My experience so far in Bangkok is that there are some rules and tradition that I find it un-usual and I don't think I can mentally handle them. Listening to the Thai language is something that I am still getting used to it. No offence to anyone from Thai but I don't think I will be used to the life here.

1 more day and I will be in Tokyo.

Flying off

I be flying off and away from Singapore for 1 month in another 24 hours. Am starting to feel not so panic but still very stress and pressure that something might happen or works get screw up. As my mood and as I am letting myself feel more relax, an idoit or rather a fucking asshole who has no fucking manners has to make my blood pressure boil to the max.

As I have no luggage, mum pass me one that she took from the store room. Things put in the store room means its for the family right. I came out from the toilet and there he was yelling and barking like a mad dog, saying that why I never ask before I took or use. Fuck lar! If its so personal and out of bounds for anyone to use including your own family, then put everything in your own room! Don't leave it in the store room!

Anyway, I have never see or view her as part of my family. Never once, since the first day she step into the family.

Why do an asshole has to ruin my last night before I fly off? I don't own you anything! If you fucking hate or don't want to see me so much, say so! I am very glad to move out.

有些人读太多书到没教养和没文化。在这世界上是没有谁欠谁。醒醒吧王八蛋！

3 days to go

3 more days and I be flying to 5 countries for filming. It's getting more scary than excited. I am so unsure about alot of stuffs. I got more files and documents to pack than personal wardrobes and stuffs. I don't know how to pack. I don't know what will happen overseas. I am scare that I fall sick. I am scare of all the riots and Bangkok and Ho Chin Minh City.

I need alot of encouragement and supports. I am breaking apart very soon.

10 days to go

10 more days and I be flying off for 1 month. Things aren't looking any good and tasks have been snowball. All due to a reason that I don't wana mention here cause it will make my blood pressure to raise.

Have been meeting up with friends for dinner before I leave also. Filming in overseas can be very fast, and before I know it, I am back into Singapore. Will be looking for another project when I am back. So friends... I am available for new project in late Nov onwards.

18 more days

Counting down to the day I fly. I am only left with applying for the Visas and booking of lodgings. Bought the necessay stuffs including winter jacket and 2 track shoes, only left with seeing the doctor for injection.

I believe there are stuffs that I have not buy yet and I can't think of right now. Anyway, I will think and recall soon before I leave.

24 more days to go

Am so scared suddently and it's been 8 years since I last felf this way for a project. Still have alot of stuffs to settle before we can fly off to shoot.

This is scary man. I am afraid... for the first time after so many years... since MCS days... I think I am dying off already

Finally

I finally receive my pay from last project in full. Once the cheque is in my account, I got to clear all debts, bills and allowances to family before I decide what to get for my travelling with the remaining. Got to put aside a sum to use when overseas and also when I return back.

I can finally see lights in my wallet. Can concentrate in my works and of cos, looking for bf again. Hahahaha....

Help

I need help in handling Visa applications. I don't know how to apply for Visa and to make matter worse, I got a United Kingdom of Great Britain & Northern Ireland passport holder in my team. Why can't everyone be holding Singapore passport to make my job less troublesome?! Ahhhhh...... Anyone knows how to apply for Visa and the proceeder to it? I need help. I need advise.

35 more days

I just finish filming the Singapore episode for the travelogue, although it's very tiring and VERY short of manpower, it's been a great and new experience for me. As the AD, I help the crew also. I only have 2 men crew so everyone has to help one another. I carried alot of bags and equipments over my shoulder for 4 days, making my shoulders to ache so much. Although tiring, I went to Singapore Flyer, National Muesum of Singapore, River Cruise, Sri Mariamman Temple and New Majastic Hotel for the first time. Flyer, Cruise are nothing and rather boring after 10 mins. I don't mind going back to Muesum the second time and I know the place rather well already. It's like a maze inside. Temple is as usual temple, but I just can't stand the smell. I will love to stay in New Majastic Hotel one of these day, the hotel is very retro and I love the settings and furnitures.

I have 35 more days before I fly off to the other 5 countries for the travelogue. Bangkok, Ho Chi Minh City, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Tokyo... Here I come... Before that, I got to settle alot of stuffs and things... I will and need to chase back my payment from Big XXX next week, so that I can pay and buy whatever I need for the trip.

Anyway, did my team manage to "fight" for an additional grip to follow us for overseas filming? I hope we do, if not... haiz... how to survive for 5 countries...

New tasks

The current project I am doing is giving me cold sweats. Alot of new things that I never handed before like the Embassies, Visas, Fixers for overseas, Lodgings and transportations for overseas etc. Lucky, Vanessa helps me in some of it although I can still say I am doing it all alone.

This morning had locations recee with DOP and Director starting from 830am, by the time I reach home it's 5pm. Had a quick shower and redo my makeup and tried on afew clothes, before going to Eric Khoo's feature "My Magic". It's the first time I actually like Eric Khoo's movie after so many years. The story rather good and can relate to it. The casts are great, especially the one acting as the son.

Went to watch with Leslie and to my surprise, he acted inside also! As the magician's assistant and he had quite a number of appearances. So cute! So funny!

Watched "Kallang Roar" too. I don't really like the story but it's not bad for a new Director. However, I was rather disturb by the multi top shot and extreme close up and the habits of cutting off talents' forehead in single shots. I was amazed by the CSI--green screens effects they did and how it turn up. I mean, on the actual shoot, there was only 300 extras but the final product turns up, it's like they got 20,000 extras. That's something I must learn.

I just finish amending the callsheets for Sep 01-04 filming (again... haiz...). Done emailing those I got to for the shoot. Write out a lists of things I got to do for the shoot. Now, I am taking time out to update and vent abit of my thoughts in the blog. It's 310am now, got to wake up early tomorrow. Have to look for location and buy props, then come back and settle the rest of the stuffs.

I want to get my pay soon! Damn it! I really hate companies that delay pay, but it seems like a norm and common practise in Singapore to delay payment. That's not a good practise and it sucks! Those companies that delay payment, have they ever spare a thought for those freelancers who live on project basics? Freelancers already don't have CPF, and they still have to wait forever to get their payment?! When all companies start doing that, then everytime we work using our own savings.

I need the money to:
-settle debts
-buy clothes for overseas shoot
-pay parents allowance
-get new laptop before current one dies on me without warning
-settle the health and wellness issues
-get portable USB modem or something like that, so that I can connect to internet even when I am overseas
-get a printer fast

Damn it! So many things I want to do and so many things to pay. I want my pay!

Had chalet since Friday and got home this Morning at almost 9am. Damn tired cause never slept at all for the past 2 nights and had been eating bbq food for 2 nights.

My travelogue has been confirm of the countries and travel date. Be flying off on 12th Oct and be covering these 6 countries: Singapore (Ep1 of cos), Vietnam, Bangkok, Hong Kong, Shanghai and Tokyo.

I start officially with the production house in this project tomorrow at 10am. Have to settle the lodging, air tickets, sponsors, permits etc. Alot of things to do and time is running out. Only left with 2 months and 2 days. Telecast date is in Dec, another super tight budget and tight deadline project, but at least I get to travel out.

Wish me luck everyone.

New Project

Okay, it's official. I be taking the travelogue project, hope that I make the right choice in giving up the reality project. Actually, I am hoping to do both but I am just afraid that my schedules will crash. I be talking to the reality project boss again and discuss futher but I am defintely not going to give up the travelogue project.

Went for the REM wrap party last Friday, was quite nice though I find it abit boring cause there isn't much interactions for everyone. It's like everyone has their own group to gather. Afew got high and drunk.

Anyway, back to the travelogue... I am rather excited and hope that I can perform my duties. This is the first time I be doing a travelogue, so I am hoping for assistants and help from friends and company people. I can only confirm which countries I be actually be going after the official production meeting, but I can be sure that I will be the only female in the whole team that be travelling. DOP, Soundman, Host, Director and me (Producer).

Alot of things got to be done out and approve. The visa, equipments, people, transports, stay etc. I will rest and be fully charged for the next few days before I go full force again.

I miss him... He will be going oversea for project soon, although it's only afew days. After he comes back, I might be busy with my travelogues...

Will updates on the countries and when I be setting off. Might be away for a month or so. I got to take my injection soon and eat more healthy before travel starts.

Decision making time again

It's time to crack my mind and make decision again. Been to afew production houses and went through their projects, there are 2 projects that interest me. However, both projects are going to take place at the same time.

Project A: as Producer, filming starts in either late Aug or early Sept. This project entitles me to travel out of S'pore and to HK, Shanghai, Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia, Philippines, Indian, Japan etc to name afew. It's the traveling that interests me alot, but pay isn't that good.

Project B: as Project Manager, filming starts 16th Aug. It's all film in local but a reality show. Rather challenging to do but I don't really like the concept or rather the game that's to be play. Pay of course, isn't good also.

Haiz... Which project should I do? Or should I do both? But I am afraid that for the period I will not be in S'pore, there other project needs me, then how?

Going to R.E.M wrap party soon. I will think about it over the weekend and give them an answer on Mon.

Aiya, another production company I still have not go and discuss the project with them yet. However, that project doesn't interest me much, an info-tertainment in Mandarin. The only takes is that I always hope to work with the boss himself.

Thinking time again. Have been resting for 10 days already, it's time to start the ball rolling and get the energy level back again.

New Direction In Life

Attended another meaningful "talk" today. Why I say "talk" cause its not the usual MML or direct sales stuffs. This new trade will change my life and I really want to and hope to achieve some success in it. Everyone is part of the family and the warm is there, although I have not really warm up yet cause they are not my usual group of people.

Don't really want to say too much. Just hope that friends will find the change in me in afew months time, should I have the determination to stay in it like how I stay in Media.

Another wrap

REM has wrap! Yap! So happy! After continuous filming from 16th-21st, beside filming there are overnight stay in office doing props, the drama finally wrap. Went dinner with afew bottles of beer alone with dinner after filming. It's so great to just relax and not worry and bother about next day filming and props.

Great and wonderful team and casts I have. Thanks for all the help and assistant and bearing with my terrible mood swings and loud voice.

Team: Kai Li (for agreeing to be in the project last minute under such super low rate and working so hard), Alvin and Aaron

Crew: Jason (although we do have disagreement and argue sometimes, thanks for been supportive in some of my ideals), Leslie (always been so very helpful and manage to cheer me up when I am feeling super down), Arnold and Siva (for the rides home).

Casts: Ming, Jamie and Jerilyn (these 3 gals are so beautiful, talented and nice although they can be very noisy when place together).

Okay, I be resting a awhile before I start working again. Going for afew companies to talk about other projects on Wed. Then be concentrating on the business, want to stay focus in it. Have to talk to Donovan and discuss about it which actually he has been asking me alot of times when I be free to discuss. BUT first stop, I want to go for a short trip before I start to "run" full force again.

New Life

Starting tomorrow, 14th July, I will work non-stop and will film non-stop until 21st July. I just hope that I can pull everything through and will end the project with a bang. Okay, not really a bang but at least end smooth with good reputations.

Really wana thank Kai Li for joining into this project and helping me pull through. She really help me alot and I mean ALOT.

After project ends, I will rest for awhile and really think about what I want to do. Donovan suggestions isn't bad and I will consider doing his business. Seeing how successful his business turn up and how much he earns, really make me wonder what am I doing here. Current career gives me satisfations but the income isn't stable and coming in. Although I only just half way start Don's business, but I do see the money coming in and the wonder of it.

I be giving myself half a year to 1 year to do the business and see how far I can go from there. If business is good, then media will be my sidelines and passions only.

Heard a good news from a friend and I am really happy for her. I can't say much here until the whole thing is confirm and announce.

I need to work hard be it in my career, money, relationships... I need to re-charge and take a break...

Been working non-stop for the past few days, actually since 27 May. Rather tiring and still trying to hang on there.

Got blue-black over me, sprain my leg, mosqito bites...

5 more episodes to go. Hanging on there.

Birthday feelings

The whole of my birthday was spent filming. The day started from 830am and end at 12am. I didn't even get to celebrate and do anything relaxing or I like. There goes my 29 birthday.

The day before my birthday, I went wushu guang. Chat with Yan Bin and Wang Liang, Wang Liang gave me my very first birthday gift.

Then halfway through filming on Sat, the casts gave me surprise. Then I ate my first birthday cake and got my first balloon as gift.

Just hope that everything goes well and smooth for current project.

好难过

4 more days to my birthday, I am not happy nor excited at all. Not feeling very happy with myself and hate myself alot. Beside the point that I got into the project half way its production, I got alot of things to catch up on. Feel that I am getting old, mentally and physically I can stand it anymore. I had a hard time catching up and remembering stuffs. I really hate myself. I am not performing my usual self. This project is so rush and to make it worse, I got 2 PA, Fatila is great. She is hanging on there. However, the 2nd PA is always quitting. The gal quit cos she felt that production isn't for her, then the replacement guy quit cos he said his family don't support him. I find that its rather "crap" cos if you have all this "reasons", don't take up the project in the first place.

Damn shit. I feel very shitty.

Birthday in 13 days time, nothing achieve in my previous blog entre. Be very busy from tomorrow onwards to mid July with currently project. Currently project is very rush and it's practically leaving the team with no time to rest at all. Either we are filming or we are doing pre-production.

Am hoping and wishing that everything will turn up fine and okay for this project. Can't afford any hipcups at all.

Bless me my friends.

Birthday coming in 19 days time, on 7th June. Wonder if anyone remembers or rather will anyone celebrate for me. Might be working on that day, cos it's a weekend. Not bad, I got the whole production team, crew and casts to be with me. Hahaha... Better not over-run that day, cos I don't wish to be "dead" on my birthday.

Birthday wishlist:
-Hoping that I will have a boyfriend who will be with me
-Health to improve
-More income coming in
-Great career ahead
-Colour printer
-Take up more courses
-Go on a trip

Going to start another mad round of drama on Tuesday onwards. A position that I don't want to be in but I am there to "save" the whole project or rather the production team, as quoted by the DOP. Hahahaha... not sure if I can do anything or be on form again but as everyone knows me, I will do my 100%. Hahahahaha.....

I have been having a series of mood swings and depressions lately. Due to certain issues, I am rather dissapointed and upsets. Oh well, it's over I should move on. Until I manage to get another project, I don't think I can don't let my mind wander too much.

Have been sending resumes to event companies and record companies. Hope to get a reply soon this week, then I can start working again next week.

Should I go back to production? Be out on shoot again? Be involve in low budget dramas again? I don't know anymore, I need to think about it. If just doing PM duties, I might consider. Cos I think I want to rest from all those filming days, those rushing under the sun days.

Waiting for Mark to come back and then I got to talk to the crew about certain issue. Issue that I have never talk about since I join the industry. Issue that I don't know how to really settle and "communicate".

I went to pray for marriage to 月老, hope that I can find someone soon. But guess it's difficult also lar, when I am not working, I am always at home. Never go out, never take part in any activities, never went to any function or event.

Haiz... It's all boil down to fate again. Hope that everything will go well for my work and relationship.

Terrible like hell

Just took out the wisdom teeth, feeling worse now. Am hungry but can't eat, cos I am dripping water from mouth. Then my left side, which the teeth was taken out, hurts like hell. It hurts so much that my head hurts, my mouth hurts, my eye hurts. All on the left side. I can't swallow properly, can't speak properly. I just vent my anger and fustration and everything by crying just now. But crying doesn't help, its hurts more. Shit!

Feeling terrible

Feeling terrible these days, actually weeks. Having toothache on my right side for days, can't eat and sleep well. Last night it starts to get worse, I can't sleep at all. Then this morning, mum bought me wantan mee before I went to my grandma side for her x-tray at TTS. Can't really eat, have to force my mouth to open and force the food down my throat. Be going to see the dentist at 730pm later. Hope its nothing serious.

Filming isn't going too smoothly also. Haiz. Oh well, no filming is smooth anyway. Thanks to casts and crew support, if not I think I am going to break down soon. I have not been at the best of health lately and been having sleepless nights, I am getting old, physically and mentally is tearing apart.

I really am going to take a break after current project ends, either going to study short courses or holiday.

Songs on my mind at tis moment

如果有一天 - 梁靜茹
曲︰郭文賢 詞︰易齊

現在也只能欣賞　唯一的合照一張
淡忘了的是那個街角
想念的是當時的微笑

生活中交錯失望　越想念就越孤單
若再被寂寞迎頭趕上 多感傷原來只是正常

你是不是也在品嚐 一個人的咖啡和天光
是不是也忽然察覺到 多出時間看天色的變換

如果有一天　我們再見面
時間會不會倒退一點
也許我們都忽略
互相傷害之外的感覺

如果哪一天　我們都發現
好聚好散不過是種遮掩
如果我們沒發現 就給彼此多一點時間

別問我是誰 - 王馨平
曲︰蔡議樟 詞︰蔡議樟 編︰屠穎

從沒說過愛著誰　為誰而憔悴
從來沒有想過對不對
我的眼中裝滿疲憊
面對自己總覺得好累

我也需要人來陪　不讓我心碎
讓我愛到深處不後悔
其實我並不像他們說的
那樣多刺　難以安慰

愛人的心應該沒有罪
為何在夜裡卻一再流淚
每天抱著寂寞入睡
生活過得沒有滋味

別問我是誰　請與我相戀
我的真心沒人能夠體會
像我這樣的人不多
為何還要讓我難過

別問我是誰　請和我面對
看看我的眼角留下的淚
我和你並沒有不同
但我的心更容易破碎

What Cherlyn Tan PeiSan Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

Life has been a a circle lately; work, rest, film. Nothing much happen, never been out with friends, staying home on off days. Been visiting my grandma, bought her stuffs and food that she requests.

Filming has not been smooth and I did more than my job duties, which alot of industry people told me that I shouldn't. "Don't spoilt the market lar Cherlyn", I wish I can just do my duties but I find it hard to say to my bosses. I will try okay, I will.

I just hope that it don't rain on the filming days and that everyone are on the "ball" on set.

Am dreaming of holidays again. God! When can I truly and really leave Singapore? Someone please save me.

Him=him?

My friends actually say that 苗桥伟looks like Don. I think I still miss Don so much that I like the actor or is it that I like the actor so much that I like Don? I don't know, only knows that I miss Don alot. He always say that he will ask me out, he will call me, but I wait and wait and he never calls. I am so sad and heartbreak. My life is so meaningless.

Do they look alike?

Charming

Am chasing on a new HK drama recently, which is ending soon on SCV. 赌场风云, my most favourite actor inside is 苗侨伟 Michael Miu .

个人档案

华文名称:苗侨伟

英文名称：Michael Miu Kiu Wai

昵称：阿苗

生日：1958年6月18日

星座：双子座 SAME AS ME!!!!

身高：180cm MY DREAM MAN HEIGHT

体重：70-80kg GREAT WEIGHT TO MATCH THE HEIGHT

血型：O SAME AS ME!!!!

学历：香岛中学毕业

婚姻状况：已婚，一子一女 DISAPPOINTED

最喜欢的运动：高尔夫球等

最喜欢的颜色：白色 SAME AS ME!!!!

最喜欢的零食：大闸蟹、牛肉 SAME SAME!!!!

最喜欢的歌手：邓丽君、甄妮

嗜好：运动

籍贯：浙江宁波

He is so charming, handsome, man!!!! AHHHH!!!! He is my type of man lor.

See! So handsome! Ah! I faint liao.

I am very happy and glad today. Bought my very 1st digital camera. I know I sound rather silly and I am 29 years old already, but I was a struggling freelancer for years and I finally can afford to buy the things I like and want. Panasonic F55 Lumix in redish, rouge colour, $499/nett. The feeling is the same when I first bought my LG portable DVD player. Next is a laptop, budget is less than $2k.

Mum cooking dinner now, be having campbell soup, sandwiches and MY FAVOURITE -- MUSSELS.

Lalalalala...

Monday onwards, be very busy with drama. Have to do alot of stuffs, Saturaday will be the first day filming. Alot of things to be confirm.

Am glad that the operation went well and smooth for my granny. She did the operation at 630pm and it was done at 10pm. Going to visit her later. During the course of granny's stay in the hospital, I don't know scolded how many nurses and called how many times. Which the last time I canlled the hospital last night, the nurse recognise my voice and even know who I am.

Its a government hospital but they still don't have a system yet. They are still so dis-organise. Oh well... granny going to be transfer to Bright Visions Hospital to stay soon. I believe everything will be better there, cos I went there for filming before and the nurses are all very friendly.

Updates

Been awhile since I last blog, nothing much to update. Done helping with Kallang Roar, moved in and rather settled down in new office which only takes me less than half an hour to travel.

Grandma had a fall and she is now in hospital. Her right hip bone came off, might or might not have operation. We are still waiting for the doctor's answer. From TTS, she will be moving on to Bright Vision Hospital to stay till she recovers.

Felt rather sad about it.

Current project got push back to 2 weeks.

Kallang Roar The Movie

Went for a briefing for Kallang Roar The Movie today at 430pm. Agreed to help Kai Li in her 1st movie where she is the Project Manager. So happy for her, my 小妹 very 1st movie. She did a great job I can proudly say. I find that she is doing a even better job than me, I will sucks at it should I do it. She handle it rather well and she did a great job in briefing and organising.

Will be helping her on 29th Feb (430pm-1am) and 1st March (5pm-3am). I even manage to get Jeremy to help on 29th, waiting for Victor to agree to help up also. Got my younger brother to work also as one of the usher. A chance to let him knows all the hard works that we have to put in in order to make a good show.

So, I will be rather pack next week. Mon got to start to pack and tidy stuffs to move to new office. 27th and 28th will be moving office days. Then 29th morning, have to tidy new office and then go over to Kai Li's shoot.

Oh ya! 1st March, there be a press confrence for Kallang Roar The Movie. Rather excited about it. Hope that my brother, Victor and me can manage to attend.

KALLANG ROAR THE MOVIE SHOULD BE OUT IN THE CINEMA IN AUGUST. PLEASE DO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT.

Updates

Been sometimes since I last blog, nothing much to update and blog about. Straight after Chinese New Year break, the new intern reports to work. So far, she has not shown me anything yet for the new project, so not sure how far and what she can do. At least I don't have to go MediaCorp again to hand in tapes.

I am more relax now, with the intern finding sponsors and locations. Then the AD doing the master rundowns and locations breakdowns. I just have to concentrate on the auditions and schedules for filming.

Going to play pool tonight with my AD. At least something to do instead of just going home straight after work everyday.

Moving office on 27th and 28th, last day at old office on 28th.

Manjong

I am finally doing something fun yesterday, for the festive seasons. Met up with Victor and Jeremy at 3pm for KTV, after which went to Jeremy's house and collect the car. Together we travelled down to Choa Chu Kang, Jeremy's friend's house. Left rather quick, cos the 3 of us had to go over to Gillian's house.

At Gillian's house, at first we watch afew short films by Jeremy and Gillian. After that, I got drag into playing manjong. After afew games, and having a great tutor--Sharon Wong, I decided that I STILL DON"T LIKE MANJONG. Hahahaha.....

Now, am waiting for Jeremy to come fetch me to go Michael's house.

Happy Chinese New Year

Happy Chinese New Year to anyone who read this.

This year has been a rather boring festive seasons for ma again.

1st day: relatives came over, played blackjack then the adults play manjong after that.
2nd day: TODAY. Went to grandma's house, which this time I have to give red packets, cos parents say that I am earning now, and grandma side all not working. Then went to a relative's house. Now, my father side relative came over and play manjong.
Tomorrow: should be doing nothing. Might or might not join Jason and Weiming at night.
Sunday: going to Michael's house for visiting at 2pm.

Start work on Monday liao. Like not rest enough ler. Cos these few days also got to wake up early. Got to work on full force when Monday starts, new drama starting really soon in March. Alot to be done. Bless me my friends.

What's Your Personality Type?

You Are An ISFP

The Artist
You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.

In love, you are quiet and sweet yet very passionate. You love easily.You have an underlying love for all living things, and it's easy for you to accept someone into your heart.

At work, you do best in an unconventional position. You express yourself well and can work with almost anyone.You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

How you see yourself: Sympathetic, kind, and communicative

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, insecure, and overly sensitive

谈恋爱

我好想谈恋爱啊！已经很久没有恋爱的感觉了，不知道下一个他什么时候会出现。

为什么会这样？

我又哭了。到底发生了什么事？我疯了！已经分手了一年七个月，可是我还是很想他。想知道他现在到底过的好不好，现在变得什么样子，是胖了还是瘦了，现在做什么公，是否还是喜欢吃同样的食物，是否还是喜欢听那首歌，是否还是喜欢穿那件衣服，是否。。。

我真的很累，我想他想的好累，我不知道还要这样到什么时候。好讨厌这样的自己，这样的我。朋友都说我会找到一个更好的，可是我还要等到什么时候？等多久？我只是一个普通的女人，只想找个人来爱，来疼。

这样的等待是个折磨，是很痛苦。我的心在流血，已经慢慢没感觉了。我的泪已经满的可以装满一个杯了。我好无力。真的好想死去，一了百了。

What's up

Nothing much to update here. Still got alot more to do.

1. Auditions: still not found yet. Dying soon. Project starting in March, I need my casts! 加油！
2. Locations: nothing is done, except that we can mock up 2 locations at the new office and 1 location at Michael's house (again).
3. Sponsorships: Got only 2 confirm, still have alot more to find. Shit! Double shit!
4. Post for Mindy: only submitted up to Ep5, still have 8 more episodes to go. Die lar! Tomorrow airing Ep4 liao, need to do first!
5. Transfering copies in beta and VHS for Mandy: Should be able to settle that. It's not so much of hurry, lucky. Thanks Piao for understanding and been there when I screw up.

Just finish doing the payment for Mindy project crew, talents, extras etc.

Personal things to do:

• I need to tidy up my room this weekend, damn messy and I found ants on my desk. Not a good thing to see and discover, parents killing me soon. Can not let them know (hee hee).
• Buy new year clothes, shoes, bags, bedsheets etc
• Top up my FANCL products
• Rebonding: hair getting out of control
• Facial: need to destory my blackheads, can't stand it anymore
• Dental: need to do check up and go for polishing. Too yellow from all the smoking and drinking

I need my payment for last year soon, if not I can never do the things I want. Reach home at around 11pm plus today after helping Mary Ann with her audition recordings. The studio we went to at Millian Walk sucks! The services are bad, they are so fucking rude. Ban that place. Ellery came and help. After filming at the studio, we went to Mary Ann's house to record another piece. Went to eat dinner at Clementi, Botak Jones, really nice food and rather cheap considering the place is at coffee shop. After eating and bitching, went back to office and transfer tapes, this time Ellery did ALL the works cos I sucks at FCP. I really need to learn more about equipments and editing, all those technicial stuffs lar.

Yawn! 2:03am now, slept at almost 4am yesterday and woke at 11:45am. Eyes can not focus and open liao. Good night!

Fulfilled? No Changes?

It's Sunday today, another wekend has pass. Never did anything much, nothing much happen.

Friday after work, went to attend Jeremy's short film. Had dinner with Kai Li (art diretor for the short film). Victor (PA and cast for the short film) and Meihui before going to the screening. After the screening, went to drink beer with Jeremy, Bryan and Victor which only Victor and I drank. Jeremy and Bryan left early, leaving only me and Victor to continue to drink. Jeremy said my blog is always so depressing, so sorry, I don't know how to be happy and most important, I don't have any happy things or events to write about.

Sat night went to my auntie's wedding anniversay. Nothing much again.

作人真无趣，好闷啊！在电视上看和听到康康专辑里的这首歌，觉得很适合我，很喜欢。请大家到这个网站听一听，可能你也和我一样爱上这首歌。
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF_K6LmQQco&feature=related Please watch from timecode 00:58 onwards

歌词是这么唱的：

你眼睛會笑　彎成一道橋　終點卻是我　永遠到不了 感覺你來到　是風的呼嘯　思念像苦藥　竟如此難熬 每分　每秒　我找不到　我到不了　你所謂的將來的美好 我什麼都不要知不知道　若你懂我　這一秒　我想看到 我在尋找　那所謂的愛情的美好　我緊緊的依靠 緊謹守牢　不敢漏掉　一絲一毫　願你看到

Moving on

Another new week, moving on to a new project. Have to start doing pre-productions for the new project, which am aiming to start filming in March. Telecast in June, so time line is very tight again. This Friday got to attend Jeremy's short film screening, then this Saturday got to attend my auntie's wedding aniversary chalet. Must collect my contact lens this week.

New Project:

1. Finish up 13 episodes of Master Rundowns and Locations Breakdowns
2. Start the round of auditons
3. Interviewing of interns starts tomorrow

Current Projects:

1. Continue with the post-productions stuffs and delivery (Hate that, but still have to do it).

Company might be moving to a new venue, unsure where. Gosh! The moving of everything in current office will be tiring cos there are alot of stuffs, with all those machines, equipments etc. I want to go holiday, I want to have a break, I want my payment (most important).

Black week

God! It has been a black week since Mon until today. I have not been sleeping since Mon, 9am. The final episode of the English Kids drama has been a problem and until now we are still solving it. The telecast date is this Sun! God! Fainting! Going to have heartache very soon. Have been keeping myself awake by

1. Brainwashing myself
2. Drinking alot alot of red bull and tea and coke

Don't know how long more I can hold on. Thought I can sleep early tonight but... sharks! Things have to happen and don't know what time I can sleep liao.

Aim to be home by 12am wth editor. *Cross Fingers*

In loving memory of Jimmy Nah - MC King

Singapore celebrity, Jimmy Nah, dead at 40Posted

SINGAPORE: Singapore celebrity Jimmy Nah, who is better known as MC King, has passed away suddenly. He was 40 years old. His friends told MediaCorp Radio that Jimmy had experienced breathing difficulties while at home earlier Friday. He was sent to hospital but died shortly after 1pm. It is not known if Jimmy had suffered from any health problems. But in the last entry he posted on his blog on 31 December, Jimmy had hoped for good health in the coming year. Local director Jack Neo, who had worked with Jimmy on several productions, said he was shocked upon hearing the news. "All along, he's very, very healthy. So, I don't know why. I seriously don't know why," said Jack Neo. Jimmy had acted in a couple of local movies, including Neo's "Just Follow Law", as well as local drama serials. - 938LIVE.

Life is really very fragile. Received this news while working in office. He is still so young and talented. I worked with him in afew projects, rather nice guy and friendly. Only 40 but god has to take him away. Maybe god had other plans for him in the other world.

Rest In Peace Jimmy.

Treasure those around you, my friends.

Sick

Been sick for 2 days already, with the flu, cough, sore throat and fever, I am feeling very weak and restless. Never report to work today cos I can't make, but will be dragging myself to the pole dance class later. Got to sweat it up and do work up. Will feel worse is I still at home the whole day doing nothing beside sleeping.

Tomorrow filming sort of cancel, still have filming for 1 re-enactment but without any crew. Guess I will be doing camera works, cos only have me, Michael and Meihui on set. Rather tired. I got to make plans and wishes for 2008, which I hope that they will come true and I can do them.

1. Go overseas for projects, get out of Singapore
2. Get new mobile, cos current one is driving me crazy
3. Get a digital camera
4. Get a laptop with everything install
5. Get new heels
6. Get proper bag for non-working purposes
7. Get better in health
8. Earn more money
9. Get new printer at home
10. Get a proper working desk at home
11. Go for hair remove
12. Rebonding before Chinese New Year
13. Study part-time cos on Media
14. FIND SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME AND I LOVE HIM. HOPEFULLY THE MR RIGHT WILL BE MY LAST BOYFRIEND AND WE WILL GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER
15. Write and direct my own short film
16. GO FOR A HOLIDAY SOON. HONG KONG / TAIWAN

That's all I can think of right now. My headache is killing me. I am dying soon.

2008

It's 2008, happy new year to everyone. I got my first present at exactly 12 am the moment everyone starts saying "Happy New Year". I got flu and sore throat. Now my throat is hurting like hell.

What's so great about 2008? It's just another year past with another year ahead. Nothing great. My wish never come true. 2008 it's nothing great really. Still have to keep on working and working. I still don't like every moment of my life.

2008 soon

2 more days to the end of 2007. I felt that I did not achieve much. I don't feel happy at all in 2007, so I am not looking forward to 2008. Have been filming for the past few days, will be filming on 30th and 31st also. Not sure of celebrating or having any countdown. Have been feeling very down and depress lately. The only thing I can say that I should be proud of myself should be that I am more focus in Directing and Project Manager positions. I still hate myself.

HoHoHoHo...

It's X'mas eve tomorrow and I guess I be all alone. No one has invited me, which they all have to be with their other half. Working tomorrow, then after that I guess I will go straight home and hide myself.

What to do. No choice. Not pretty. Not popular. Not famous. Not thick-skinned enough to force myself to join their couple time.

I REALLY HATE X'MAS!

I HATE BEEN ALONE!

I WISH I AM DEAD!

I HATE MYSELF!

I AM DEPRESS!

I AM SAD!

DEAD!

Merry X'mas

3 more day to X'mas, another lonely festive season to spend. I shouldn't be thinking about it at all. I have things to do.

1. Sort out company working schedules fast and make it workable. Spend half a day doing it, but got rejected by the boss. Re-do.
2. Make sure all scenes are done by Dec
3. Post for 2 projects and 1 more project (final episode) for DF got to be done. No hipcups please
4. Make sure I receive my final payment from DF, although it's only $400, better than nothing
5. Crew and talents payment to be settle
6. Hoping to do another rebonding soon
7. Got to service my stupid handphone that off by itself
8. Hoping to get my very own personal laptop soon

What else? I really don't know. It's 214am and I can't sleep at all. So bored! Starting pole dance level 2 on 2nd Jan at 8pm. At least there's something for me to do and spend my time in. Got to start reading those 3 novels I bought ages ago. No motivation to read cos it's rather boring, lucky I bought it at only 3 for $2. Not so heartache.

X'mas coming

8 more days to X'mas and I am so aimless in my love life. I HATE CHRISMAS! It's a seasons of love and hugging around. I have been lonely for some many X'mas years, and I got to spend it alone again this year.

I REALLY TRUELY HATE X'MAS

Golden Horse Award 2007

Watched Golden Horse Award 2007, the 2 awards I been waiting the whole night, rescults out. Best Orginial script - Xue Ying never get it.
Best Male Actor - Gurmit Singh lost to Tony.
The rescults are rather expected but was hoping for miracle. Oh well, will be seeing Michael and xue Ying on Tue. I can be at least proud to say that I am working the writer who was normainted. I am proud to say that I worked with Gurmit and Xue Ying before, which means that their price has increase because of this.
Mon another day of filming, pray hard that I can finish all scenes and don't over-run too much. Then next week, I have to do Mandy Ep9 TX post stuff. Be back in Dream Forest again to settle music cue-sheet and final transcript (with the help of Tim)
Lalalala... Then I see when the 2 bosses finally come back, what they want me to do. Not filming for Mindy, then see what I can do for the post for Mindy and Taoshu.

Never easy

It's never easy been a Director, especially when you are the Project Manager also. At a certain point, I don't even find that my ADs are helping much but I know that they are trying their best. "They are still new and fresh". This is what I always tell myself before I want to yell at the or do anything bad. I was new and fresh once too and I still make mistakes even up till today.

It wasn't an easy day of shoot today but thanks to the support I got from my crew, I manage to shoot everything (I hope) today.

I need to re-think about what position I want to do again. I can't be an Assistant Director forever. Position I got to consider are Project Manager (I got to learn how to handle the budget and network), Floor Manager (rather boring), Crew (learn more about camera works, lighting, sound), Stunts double (which I can't do forever and I will need to practise more on my moves), Director (need to read up on more filming books and watch more hollywood old movies).

Due to this project, I know new crew and understand my crew better. Mark - very nice guy who is always willing to help everyone. Akhbar - funny guy who never fails to make me laugh and can handle all the lighting by himself. Bob - great person although I have not work with him when I direct. Harold - friendly old man who never fails to speak his mind. Jason Yun - the youngest of the crew, always coming to me for advise.

It' s late now, got to sleep. Woke at 7am, filming from 9am-930pm. Very tired. Today is another day I Director cum AD cum abit of crew.

Strive on

Today is my official first day of shoot as Director. Finally! I directed the whole entire day today and without anyone beside me to guide me and assist me. Although I started the first scene over-run, I am glad that I made it today. On the whole, I over-run and "drop" 3 short scenes (total 3 scenes is around half a page). BUT I manage to shoot alot of things and did alot of last minute shots that's not according to my "homework". At first, I really wonder if I can make it, cos there are interview-drama to shoot which are 7 pages long, but I just manage to did it. My crew gave me alot of support and assurance that I can make it as a Director. I just need to buck up on my communication, in giving artists on their acting.

Director is such tiring position and job also, different from what I thought. Everyone listens to Director's instructions and awaits for the shot to take. Wherethe or not the scene or shot turns up nice or not, also depend on the Director. If the Director lose focus or can't think of any shot suddently, then everyone will start to lose respect. I was rather pressure and stress that I can't give proper and clear instructions. I hate and scare to disappoint others who have expectations of me. I always give my best in everything I do but I am just a human, not wonder woman.

The moment I wrap, I was so dead tired. All the thinking and talking makes me so tired. Now I know why Michael always complained of not enough water to drink and sore throat. I kept drinking water today also. Been talking non-stop the moment I start filming for the day.

Next shoot on Thur, I just hope I can focus also. Not sure if what I shot can be edited and conti or not. Can't wait for Michael to come back, watch my shots and give me his comments. Got to go back Dream Forest again either tomorrow or Thur after shoot to check on emails and do paperworks.

Quote this from Larry in 80's Rewind

Larry

Wish me luck

Others

Luck!

So, wish me luck friends.

New favourite song

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IHitfRTxg4U
原唱者：羅志祥
我不會唱歌

這首為你點播的歌
如果我先哭了 怎麼唱到最後
是的 感情不是K歌
音階一字不漏 不見得感動

我也懂 拿麥的手不能顫抖
曾握著 就能感受你比我難過
誰寫的 歌詞那麼適合放手
我怎能捨不得

我努力唱完主歌　我忘了走音沒有　
我到底哭什麼　哭什麼 明明搞笑的

我努力唱好朋友　我忘了是誰哭了　
就算你不記得　這首歌 唱完的 是我

我努力唱完這歌 我忘了破音沒有
你心裏觸動的 下一首 已經不是我

我努力唱到嘶吼 我不怕剩我一個
只要你能記得 這首歌 給我最 愛的

Rainy seasons

It has been raining for the past few days or maybe weeks. I hate rain. It make me feel sad and depress and I don't know why. Could be I am feeling lonely cos festive seasons are coming soon. 2 more days and I be leaving current company and freelancing outside again. Next week onwards, I be Directing again. Until Mr Woo comes back on 10th Dec.

26 more days to X'mas and I am afraid of been alone.
33 more days to 2008.
I just hate it when I got no one special to spend the seasons with. What's wrong with me? Am I a freak? Am I really that ugly?

What's up

Life is so weak and uncontrollable. My best friend's grandma pass away on 17th, went to the funeral. My heart break when I saw my friend so skinny and weak. I did everything I can to help her, the rest is up to her. The life is her's, how she wants her fate to turn up is up to her.

Then I received news that a colleague's brother pass away on 22nd. It's so sad and depressing. So many people I heard about pass away.

5 more days to my last day with current company, I got to start bring my stuffs home. Next Tue onwards I be directing. Great! I have not read the scripts nor did anything yet.

A short film I am suppose to help up, started filming last weekend. Am suppose to help up lar, but am too busy with my own projects to handle. Moreover, I will have to take the limited rest or off days to really rest and relax at home.

Aching

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nngYqmulLJI
Check up this link, it's Mr Man singing. Hahahaha...

My whole body is aching and in pain from yesterday dance class. All the spinning and turning, leaves my leg with fresh bruises and injuries. This is so different from wushu. In wushu, I only get aching, but pole dancing I get aching, bruises and injuries. Got home late last night, not enough sleep. Now my eyes are red and painful. Have ktv tonight, I just wana go home and sleep. Yawn....

9 more days

9 more days before I move on to a new company. I communicate with the company boss though online and get my job scopes and rates settle down. Right now, I told the company AD to give me the projects updates, so that when I join the company, I know what to do and what to expect.

Be having my dancing class again tonight and then tomorrow night I got ktv with my 小弟，小妹們. Friday will be a day where I need to deliver datelines and chase datelines.

Got to update alot of stuffs in current project before I can move on. Dec and Jan is a period I got to handle 3 projects or maybe 4 projects at the bsame time. Cherlyn, you are behaving like a super woman again. I think I can say good bye to my holiday trips again. Almost 2 years without a proper break.

14 more days

14 more days to my countdown, rest for 2 days before starting at new company. Have been watching the taiwan idol drama, 換換愛 starring 楊丞琳，賀俊翔，王傳一 for the past 3 nights. So tired. Almost can't make it to work the next day. Watched until 4-6am, now my eyes must be like a super panda eye. I like the show alot. 王傳一 is so handsome and charming and so the type that I wish for. Haiz... I can only dream on.

Started my pole dancing class on top of my wushu lessons. My whole body is like breaking apart and aching. I like the pole dance. Maybe I can balance my "manly" and "womanly" hormones. The dance make me feel so sexy, although I got no boyfriend to show to. Hahahaha...

Yan Bin asks me to dance infront of his steamboat shop and attract costumers. He is just so funny. He wanted to watch me perform, so silly.

It's Frieday again, no date, no appointment, no place to go. Guess I will go home and finish up on 換換愛. Then at least next week, I don't have to stay up late to watch.

Bintan / Batam / Genting / Penang / Hong Kong / Taiwan... Where should I go for my holiday? Most likely going alone cos friends should be either not available or too broke to go with me.

I really can't wait for the China project to happen, then I can get out of Singapore.

18 days

18 more days to go before I more on to another company. New colleague... not really consider actually... new working office, new working location and direction to go to, new table, new air, new systems.

I still have not done any overseas project yet. So sad and so sick of myself. New project will be doing wither PM work or Director work. Not even sure how many projects I be taking out for the company also. It all depend on fate and working environment lor.

49 days before 2007 ends and I am still single. Haiz.

Test

Are you a flirt? Natural Flirt
Chatting up men can feel really awkward for some, but for you flirting comes naturally. Your incredible sex appeal and sociable demeanor means that men feel comfortable talking to you, and these are what add to your charm.

When it comes to men you're interested in, you're not afraid to make the first move, but your approach is more friendly rather than sexual.

Coy laughs, head tilts, fun conversations, eye bats – these girly flirting tactics are your signature moves. But your winning trait has to be your intuitive ability to pace your advances, so even though you wish you could lay your paws on that hot guy right now, you know it's way wiser to proceed with light verbal flirting first.

How Romantic Are You? The Steady
When it comes to your love life, you appreciate the romantic gifts: Roses, chocolates and other sweet surprises. But ultimately what touch your heart most are those intangible little gestures of love, like how he pays attention to your wants and needs, really listens to you and is always there to share your joys and tears.

You're down-to-earth, and that's great because you don't expect the impossible from your partner or a fairy-tale relationship. Sure, you're super glad to have found someone to share your life with, but at the same time you need your own space too.

Still, keep feeding your relationship with romance day after day and you can strengthen it even more: Give him a kiss, a cuddle and ask him how he's doing. Indulge in fancy dinner dates and surprise him with a Valentine card every now and then. The more attention you give to your relationship, the closer you'll become.

What's happening

Yesterday night went to watch Bee Movie with Bob, Meihui and Dennis. It's a great movie with great animations and I actually laugh watching cartoon. It's goes to show how nice the movie is.

Tonight be recording VO for a drama then afterwhich eating dinner with the 3 kids in the show and my AD, going to Jackie Chan's new restaurant. Wonder if the food are nice or not. Thought of watching Saw4 after dinner ler.

Tomorrow I be going Singapore Discovery Centre with Kai Li. Finally! I am going finally! Always can't find friends to go with me. Finally Kai Li also wants to go.

The English kids drama episode 2 telecast got problem, got to do changes. Haiz... I really hate post.

By the way, I got exciting new hobby or rather interest that I took up................ I join......................................................................................................... POLE DANCING! My friends and others who know me must be so surpises. I am surprise at myself also lor. 可能时人老了，什么都敢尝试。School called Groove near Outram MRT, rather easy to go. So exciting!

My aim

My aim for this week or rather this month

• Colour hair and re-style
• Buy digital camera
• Sign up for gym / fitness centre
• Get projects stable down for next few months (MICWOO... waiting for you ah!!!)
• Buy new heels
• Fancl shopping AGAIN
• Plan for holiday either for Dec / Jan
• Go for dating services
• Buy new bags
• Watch Saw4
• Get ALL my claims for Mandy before I leave

The AVP just talk to me and told me to stay until Mandy's post are all done. However, I don't have to go office everyday. Need to see my contract and see how many days I should report to office liao.

Horrible start for this week

It's only Wed but had such horrible start for this week that I don't think things will get better for the rest of the days this week.
Came into office on Mon and find out that the weekend raining cos the office to flood, and its AGAIN according to the colleagues. God! Aren't they going to do anything about it? The stupid BIG hole in the ceiling above Sam's desk is so un-stable that I think that it might fall anytime. Due to the super flood, the sponsors items are damaged and then we have to pay. God! All these are un-necessary lor. All those damaged control that I have to do and re-adjusting of budget really kills.
Tue night suppose to dump out Ep1-3 for TX but there is technicial problems (which is un-necessary AGAIN). So have to postphone submissions for 2 days. God! The extra cos for the deck will be in my budget also.
My best friend for 14 years, her grandma has bone cancer. Doctor says she don't have much days to leave, so instead of staying in the hospital and taking in all the gems, might as well stay at home. It's like 等死, same case as my great grandma years back.
I got 30 more days before I leave current company. I really need a new place, new environment, new colleagues, new project. What I really need is a break, a holiday, before I break apart.

Tired

So tired and aching. Did stunt double yesterday. Was so funny yesterday before the job. I was at Bugis Junction waiting for Yan Bin, however he was waiting at Bishan Junction. I mean, the AD sms him Bishan Junction. I only read Junction and I only thought of Bugis. When I found out Yan Bin was at Bishan, I book a cab to Junction 8. When I reached, only to find out later from Yan Bin that the AD sms him the wrong location. AHHHH!!!!!!!!! Then we went back to Bugis in Yan Bin's car. God! What a mess.

As for the stunt I did, I wasn't happy with my performances. Right feet mother thumb bleed. Both legs all full of bruises. Can't walk properly. I need to re-train again. Am not flexible enough.

Headache

I am right about this issue, actually am most of the time right about my work.

I SHOULD NOT DO POST-PRODUCTION

I HATE POST-PRODUCTION

I HATE PLANNING FOR SUBMISSION OF SERIES TO BE TELECAST

Mandy wraps on 21st Oct, no more filming. Right now, it's down to getting everything in order and in time for telecast. Still got sponsors logo to be scan in, end tag to be done, OCBC got to get back to me about the music... alot alot of things to do. Am having headach now, very pain. I really hate doing this part of production. Planning of my slots are killing me. 18 more days to Episode 1 telecast date and it isn't done yet. No opening, no CB bumpers, no end credits, no tagline, no tagline music. God! This is getting scary man.


Tommorrow got to go Cutting Edge by 10am, collect stuffs, Then come back office and deliver reels to Kids Central. It's so tiring. Am the Project Manager but my job more like runner.


Thur, stunt is confirm. Yan Bin just call me and ask for my measurement cos I be the double and MediaCorp got to have the clothes just right for me. Wondering who are the crews, AP, propsman etx. Director I know who already, followed him before when I was in MediaCorp. Very nice guy. Hahahaha... Same size as Michael Woo... Hahahaha...This is my new hairstyle. I like it alot. Do you? Ellery and Sharon and others say I look better with this hairstyle. Still not used to the front but I will maintain it. It's good to have a change, after all these 28 years. One of my Senior for stunts and teacher in Kuen Wushu. Seems like I am always hanging out with China people, now my Mandarin very 'China' accents also. Hahahaha...

Fri si mom's birthday, got to have dinner with her. Don't know what to give her. Might be going to Yan Bin's restaurant and eat.

27th and 28th got filming again. I have not have a single day of rest or non-work days for ages.

我现在的心情

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHe8P2dgI1E
杨丞琳 - 缺氧

作詞：大麥 作曲：左安安 演唱：楊丞琳

春天慢慢一點點發芽
快樂開始都有了想像
城市光合作用的模樣
幸福開始組裝
夜裡滿園的茉莉花香
月光灑落看不見憂傷
旋轉木馬前那個廣場
愛情開始滋長
想你有時會缺氧
嘴角不自覺上揚
這是不是幸福的現象
胸口微微的發燙
想你有時會缺氧
臉紅呼吸不正常
這是不是幸福的症狀
不知不覺又缺氧

.夜裡滿園的茉莉花香
月光灑落看不見憂傷
旋轉木馬前那個廣場
愛情開始滋長
想你有時會缺氧
嘴角不自覺上揚
這是不是幸福的症狀
不知不覺又缺氧
無法移動的夢想
就算沒有人鼓掌　我也不會受傷
不會稀釋的信仰
心穿越磚牆　在你的身旁
想你有時會缺氧
嘴角不自覺上揚
這是不是幸福的症狀
胸口微微的發燙
不知不覺又缺氧

我的心情

蔡依林 一个人

从皮包里扯出我们的照片 沙发要移到客厅的另一边
晚饭后你可以多尝几口想念 已经没什么人会埋怨
晴天阴天今天又是星期天 唯一的打算是心更乱一些
反正我不知道怎样打发时间 出门或不出门没差别

一个人 到底应该选右边或左边
两个人 每一次争吵都值得纪念
一个人 偶尔感到寂寞在所难免
你的气味还留在枕头边

一个人 我重新适应一切不方便
两个人 不一定就成全一个世界
一个人 关灯看见记忆的横切面
没有光线 过去那些情节更明显
Wow…… 到底应该是右边或左边
呜…… 更明显

第一次听这首歌的时候我哭了，心里在想起谁呢？只有我自己知道。

Lost

Had a super packed week last week. Lost my favourite handphone that I got for my this year present on Thur night. It's all my fault for drinking so much. I am so sad for 2 main reasons: (1)The handphone is a gift and it's my dream mobile in my dream colour. (2)All my contacts are gone.

Finally got time to buy a new handphone on Sat afternoon, got a N76. Why I never buy the same mobile back? Cos I guess I am not fated and not suitable to have the phone cos it's the 1st time I lost a phone for the past 28 years!

I hope the new phone will bring me luck. Am thinking of getting a laptop and digital camera next month.

Talking about digital camera, Sam lost his camera while senting me home on Thur night. Sorry about it Sam!

Should be resting

I should be resting right now but I guess I am scare of being alone. Am at Michael's pub again, with Michael (of cos!), Yan Bing and Chun Yu Shan Shan. Been drinking for don't know how many times this week.

Tomorrow coming back here again.

am so bored with my life. Am so bored being alone.

7 days a week

My this whole week is burn with appointments and works. Went to watch Yan Bing do stunts yesterday, then went dinner with him, Wan Liang and Yang Guang. It's great! After which went St. James with them cos have another group of stunts people just finish a show there led by Picasso. Drank too much, now not feeling that well.

Work and work non stop, this week is passing too fast. It's Wed already and there are alot of stuffs not done yet and unfinish.

52 more days left

To spend

Got alot of thing that I wana buy and do, but either am too lazy to go shop for them or just don't know how to buy.

1. Laptop, with everything install inside (words, excel, msn, burner etc). Be great if someone will buy for me and I just pay and use. Like the pink laptop that was advertise.
2. Digital camera
3. New heels
4. Rebonding
5. New hairdo with new colour
6. Photography camera

MAIN TOP: HOLIDAY!!!!

Bee going Taiwan with her friend in Dec, at first say we go together. so sad. I can't go. Got project on hand. I really want to take a break after all projects end this year before I work again. 2 weeks break is more than I ask for, hoping by that time I have a boyfriend to go holiday with me.

Updates

• Directed 3 scenes last Sat with the super regular DOP that I always use. Actually should be directing all scenes on Sat but am having headache and on top of it, I am still learning
• 1 of my crew almost fight with a civilian during unloading of equipments, haiz.. Why is it always him?
• Casts call me 导演 on set, not used to it
• Might be filming a project for 3 months overseas, to be confirm in Nov

Meanwhile, very tired. Came office this morning at 6am to digitize shots. Now stomach pain from the stupid black coffee I had. Got to got Tanjong Pagar later, droping tapes at editing house and TV12. Eyes pain pain

Shagged

Have been dreaming of my holidays and break for some many months. Had a good an long talk with Ellery last night. He said that I need a break, to re-charged, to think about my future, to rest. He says that I should film a short film, then use it as my portfolio. It's a pathway to being a Director also. I am stuck as AD and PM positions for too long already.

PM jobs are really not me, alot of networks and emails and people to handle.
AD jobs are tiring and non-rest from pre-production to production.

I guess I really need a break to re-think about my future.